Hugo

". . . I would come up here a lot. I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason too." -Hugo Cabret 

I absolutely loved Martin Scorsese's Hugo.  The wonders of childhood and romance of Paris, all combined to create a beautiful masterpiece.   

Roadblocks of the start up

The first major roadblock were petty arguments among the cofounders (my sisters) because there were too many chefs in the kitchen.  That was resolved . . . for now at least.  The next hurdle was finding a location.  We found a location and so negotiating the lease shouldn't be a big deal since my mom's flower shop has been a faithful tenant one door over for the last 25+ years.  The ultimate hurdle we are now currently facing, is financing.  We thought it would be easy if we each put in a couple grand, but calculating all the costs of rent and renovations has been a reality slap across the face.  Based on my research, bank loans for start-ups are extremely hard to come by.  The best option is to borrow . . . from who would be the question.  One sister is a stay at home mom, another sister works part time, and another sister is a student.  My money maker won't start until October.  It'll be all too easy to quit or even to postpone until the end of the year, but I want this business up and running before I start work.  I want to be fully committed to my job and not have this start up lingering in the back of my mind.  Time is what I have now (except from May to July for final exams and the bar), but money is what I don't have.  Later, I will have the money but absolutely no time.  So what do I do?  Go find the money one way or the other because you can't buy time.  This seems to be the part where most people with great start-up ideas quit, but not me.

After all, it's just spilt coffee.

via Julia.blogg.se

"It is a long road ahead . . . so choose a beautiful one"

I had a wonderful 26th birthday!  

To kick start a "new year, new me" I dyed my hair auburn again- but this time even brighter!

On the day of, I didn't plan a fancy night out with my friends, getting dolled up to go to a nice restaurant and then dancing the night away at some trendy club. . . This year, along the same vein of being more grounded, I decided to plan an intimate hike in the morning with some friends and brunch.  I loved it!  I've never been a nature person and everything that seemed to bring me happiness in the past always included dollar signs.  But the wonders of mother nature and the experience with great company are priceless.  I love hiking; I would definitely do it again. 

2/18 Hike at Temescal Canyon

Bday girl outfit: sweats, tennis shoes, and a ponytail for a change

left my mark at the end of the hike

Brunch at the shabby chic 26 Beach Restaurant in Venice

Because the day would not be complete without a White Sangria and Bloody Mary

Life List before I kick the 20s bucket

Because I should have made this at 20 . . . leaving my early 20s tomorrow, there's still time . . .

22

Life

Marry my soulmate 11/15
Have kids 
Buy a home in the suburbs   09/13

Invest in a nice camera 08/12
--
Get married in Thailand
11/15

Career

Sign Nat, Esq.11/16/12
Publish a NY Times bestseller
Be a guest blog contributor
Open a fashion boutique 02/02/15 SOPHI-
Write an article for Forbeswoman or HuffPost Women
Get a promotion at work 10/13
--
Leave the corporate world 1/16
Pursue a spiritual profession

Self Improvement

Join a book club

Conquer my fear of public speaking
Assume a leadership position for an event
Learn a foreign language (conversational French or fluent Spanish)

Paint a big canvassed masterpiece for our home
Plant a beautiful garden 2/14
Create a ceramic work of art (yoga pose statue)
--
Deepen my yoga practice

Give Back 

Join a community volunteer group
Plan a charity event
Take an alternative vacation (with a charity group) (via) 

Adventure

Hiking 2/18/12 at Temescal Canyon
Camping: roast marshmallows under the stars and swim in a river
Wander around Europe and soak in its historic beauties 08-09/2012
Eat, eat, eat in Asia 01/15/15 (Vietnam & Thailand)
Run a marathon  3/31/12 at Lake Elsinore . . . good start
Go on some sort of self improvement retreat (again)
Skydive
Hot air ballooning
Go on a cruise 08-09/2012
Biking by the beach 08/2013
Learn to surf (preferably in Hawaii)
Bungee jump  3/11/12 at Bridge to Nowhere
Kayak on a phosphorus lake at midnight (via) 

--
Yoga retreat in Bali

(will be adding to this list)
--
updated 4/2016

DVF

"When I was young, I lived like an old woman and

when I got old, I had to live like a young person" – DVF

via womenforchange.info

romance and adventure

"The truth is, I am hungry for romance and adventure in life. I always have been. I thought my life would take me to live in Italy, but I fell in love with a man who chose Kentucky instead.  So, here we are. . ."

So begins this woman's journey for more romance and adventure in her life.  She sounds a lot like me if you replace Italy with Paris and Kentucky with California.  I stumbled across her website and read every inspiring article for the last couple hours in between class.

I should be feeling inspired and prepared to relay all these wonderful tidbits I found in her article, yet suddenly I feel even more unsure about my own life.  I don't know or understand why because I should be the most grateful person, yet I feel like Elizabeth Gilbert . . . My bf once told me that he was afraid I was going to pull an "eat, pray, love" on him one day. . . Surprisingly, that is not a far stretch from the truth.  I know that what I feel is lacking in my life cannot be found in Italy, India or Bali, but it stems from a deeper sense of self.  I just don't know how to snap it out of its senses.

I wasn't going to blog tonight but suddenly I felt this wave of emptiness and a horrible sense of unfulfillment.  It's odd because I'm not going through any quarter-life crisis and I do not have to default to living my "plan B" because "plan A" fell apart.  I am currently living my plan A!  So what is it?  I don't know . . . Perhaps turning 26 in a couple of days is making me become this melodramatic person that's questioning everything . . .

Is it really a pea or something deeper than that. . .

part of Eugenio Recuenco "Fairy Tales"

love me for my flaws and all

via michellephan.com

It's been a family tradition for years now that my sisters and I help out for Valentine's day at my mom's flower shop.  Like usual, it was extremely busy.  As soon as I step foot at the shop at 8:30 a.m. until I left for dinner with the bf at 7:30 p.m. there were constant swarms of people waiting in line.  We had boys and men buying flowers for their girlfriends, wives, or even mistresses!  It was a good feeling providing service for these people in love, who were willing to spend almost a bill on a mere dozen of roses.

The day went smoothly until I had my second to last customer come in at 7 p.m.  She wanted a dozen red roses but we ran out, so she was willing to settle for pink roses.  I made the same special for her I was making all day for everybody else.  She looked very bothered as I spent the last ounce of my energy completing the arrangement and making small talk with her and her daughter.  It took me 15 minutes and as soon as I told her there was a tax charge for using a credit card, but none for using cash (an Asian thing).  She rhetorically said, "why would you charge me for tax too when I didn't even get the colors I wanted."  I kindly told her that it was the end of the night and that was all we had and that the pink roses were still fresh and pretty.  A part of me was thinking how I would much rather sell this batch of roses to someone who would appreciate it . . . I mean nobody forced her to "settle" for anything.  She paid me and as I turned around to put the money in the register, she says "you know what, I can't do it, I don't want it."  I told her that's fine and turned around and took the money back out of register and gave her money back, and she left.  My work of art just sat there on the counter looking rejected and I stood there looking dejected.

For some reason I was so upset!  I don't know if it was because I was so tired from such a long day, or because she was the first person that rejected my floral arrangement, or because I felt insulted that she didn't like it, or because I was mad she made me go through the entire process just to realize that she really didn't want pink, or because her negative energy killed my night, or all of it combined.  Luckily, a couple minutes later a guy came in and didn't hesitate to buy it.  That did make me feel slightly better, but I must say that I was still bothered through dinner with my boyfriend.  I was feeling so negative I almost got mad at him for wasting money on one of my Valentine's gift- an overpriced Burke William gift certificate.  While he was telling me that I never know and I might enjoy it because of the stresses of law school, I was looking at the card and read "this gift card is nonrefundable" . . . out loud.  Yes, b*tch mode.  Because I am so fortunate to have such a forgiving boyfriend, he let it go and took the comment with a grain of salt.      

Reflecting on all this, I realized that this was a major flaw of mine I needed to work on . . . I cared too much what people thought and worried about the dumbest things that it not only affected me, but my relationships.  I cared too much for little incidents like this that should remain within it's designated time slot and not have it seep into any part of the remaining night with my boyfriend.  It was Valentine's day and I was being such a downer.  I tried the whole "fake it 'till you feel it" during dinner so I could enjoy the rest of the night.  Ultimately I was in a better mood with the help of Merlot . . .

Writing about all this now, it sounds so dumb, but everything felt so much more magnified in the moment . . . So moral of the story?  Don't ever let petty incidents like this drag on longer than it has to, be a better customer because customer service is a tough business to be in and, of course, be a better girlfriend.

Happy (late) Valentine's Day.                  

Purpose

Sasha Pivovarova for Vogue Paris 2010

As you can probably tell, I have been feeling very lackluster about my life lately . . . I feel I've accomplished all the goals I've set out academically and career-wise, but something still feels askew.  I bought a journal a couple days ago and decided to get back into the groove of writing to myself again.  I feel it was something that got me through my teenage years, so perhaps it will continue to guide me through my 20s.

Last night, I talked to the bf about everything I've been feeling lately, following the funeral . . . reflecting on my own mortality . . . what difference would I really have made when I leave this earth . . . how many people would I really have touched . . .  and just how I feel I'm right where I want to be in life, yet I feel so empty as a person.  Surprisingly he didn't turn the other side and dozed off like he didn't hear me . . . instead he listened and concluded that perhaps I just needed more meaning and purpose in my life and perhaps doing community service again will fill that void.  Of course!  That's a start!  I feel that because I'm not stressing and juggling so much nowadays I literally have all this time to reflect on my life and realize what's really missing.  I used to do community service so I can fill up my resume and school applications, but I never really cared for it . . . But now, thinking back to those days . . . can you believe I've reached that point in my life where I want to do community service just so I can feel fulfilled?  I took the initiative and signed up with Girls, Inc. of Orange County and hopefully will find meaning in my own life by helping young girls find direction in theirs.  Such a selfish act is volunteering, is it not?                    

Happiness Project

Sasha Pivovarova for Club Monaco 2012

"I had everything I could possibly want - yet I was failing to appreciate it.  Bogged down in petty complaints and passing crises, weary of struggling with my own nature, I too often failed to comprehend the splendor of what I had." 

"What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner." - Colette  

"How could I let go of everyday annoyances to keep a larger, more transcendent perspective?" 

"One of my goals for the happiness project was to prepare for adversity - to develop the self-discipline and the mental habits to deal with a bad thing when it happened. The time to start exercising, stop nagging . . , was when everything was going smoothly.  I didn't want to wait for a crisis to remake my life" 

"Exercise for sanity not vanity" 

"If you do it for other people, you end up wanting them to acknowledge it and to be grateful and to give you credit.  If you do it for yourself, you don't expect other people to react in a particular way."  

"I have an idea of who I wish I were, and that obscures my understanding of who I actually am" 

"You've always had this desire for legitimacy, and you'll have it forever.  It's probably why you went to law school."  

"I ignored options that, no matter how enticing they might be for other people, weren't right for me." 

"Challenge and novelty are key elements to happiness" 

"People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think" 

"One reason that challenge brings happiness is that it allows to to expand your self-definition.  You become larger. . .  Research shows that the more elements that make up your identity, the less threatening it is when any one element is threatened" 

"Between the ages of 20 and 40 we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity" - W.H. Auden 

"I was confident enough to take criticism graciously and able to respond without attack or self-justification."   

"There are times in the lives of most of us when we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over us unappreciated and unenjoyed" - William Edward Hartpole Lecky 

"Knowing what you admire in others is a wonderful mirror into your deepest, as yet unborn, self" 

"The things that go wrong often make the best memories"

Favorite quotes from "The Happiness Project"  

Reincarnation

Rose Byrne for Muse 2011

"50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time. You know, so at best we're like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking... I mean, is that why we're so scattered?" -Jesse, Before Sunrise 

. . . and for all those reasons, I have decided to "unprivate" my blog . . .

Lessons to My Younger Self

via TheBeautyDepartment.com

"From the moment we are born as women, the world conspires to make us feel insecure about absolutely everything—the way we look, dress, talk, act." -Cindy Gallop  

"I picture myself as a young woman and realize what I would say to that young woman who was so intent on being “a good girl,” doing things perfectly, making sure everything was under control and the best it could be, feeling guilty about the smallest dust-up with a friend, worried about disappointing someone . . . I would tell her that she is OK as she is . . . I would lighten her load and tell her she doesn’t have to be perfect.  I would tell her to trust herself to be in the moment and not always on guard.  I would tell her to breathe, and not to waste time in worry and guilt . . . I would tell her not to be afraid to fail because every experience counts and will come in handy somehow, somewhere.  I would tell her to trust her honest heart and good soul.  In short, I would love her.  This I tell myself now, and anyone who will listen—to love and have faith in ourselves; this is the source of our energy, our joy, and our real power—and will lead us to speak in our true voices to the world." -Joyce Kulhawik  

". . . learning to avoid judging, learning to accept.  Aha!  All this time, I was the judge, and I thought I was the person being judged.  Imagine that.  Fear serves, and for the most part it serves you well.  But fear also limits you.  Test this by remembering a moment of great challenge, when you were not at your best.  Feel those unpleasant physical sensations—maybe nausea, or a rapid heart beat, or emptiness.  These sensations are evidence that you've given in to you fears." -Joanna Barsh 

"Chill out. There are lots of things to stress about, but there are many more things that you’ll miss if that stress consumes you" -Sandy Jen  

"Travel is a colorful metaphor for life.  There is something magical about falling asleep on a plane and waking up in a new city or a new country.  Each new day brings a unique sense of exploration . . . Travel initiates the child-like joy of discovering something new, novel, and memorable.  Just experiencing another way of life takes you out of yourself.  It forces you to adapt and to gain a new perspective.  . . when things go awry, it does not spell inevitable disaster.  Nearly all the time, you live to learn another day." -Jennifer Hill    

"You may not fully realize it now, but your 20s are amazing years.  You have endless time to yourself, and the world is still your oyster.  You’re old enough to think about adulthood but young enough to still have hopes, dreams, and idealism.  My advice to you is to capture those thoughts now—while they are stll emerging and while your brain still perceives the world that way." -Julie Bornstein

via Vogueweekend.com

via http://www.thedailymuse.com/founders/lessons-to-my-younger-self/

it's so strange that things are so different, yet still feel the same . . . life just keeps going as though nothing ever happened . . . life stops for no one.

death is such a numbing experience.  it's so much different from merely having someone walk out of your life.  i can't believe how one minute I'm introduced to my boyfriend's best friend's wife, then the next I'm writing a college paper about how an aspiring model became a young mom in high school, then I'm visiting her at the hospital with "it's a boy" flowers, and soon I'll be bringing flowers to her funeral.  she had the perfect life: a loving husband, two beautiful kids, a nice home, a good job, a close-knit family. . . she was only 26.  I don't understand how this can all happen so suddenly.  people say God works in mysterious ways, but I just don't understand how he can allow this to happen - and to such kindhearted people.  as I grow older, death just seems to be a common thread intertwined in all our happy moments. . . it does make me appreciate life and my loved ones that much more and help me really realize that nothing lasts forever.  only time can heal.  my heart goes out to their family.