we've tried.

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart.

It means we have tried for something.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

Big Fish

I am excited to say that I got an interview with one of the most prestigious law firms in the field of labor law through OCI!

I was so excited with the opportunity of just interviewing for the job, that I got carried away- imagining that the recruiting partner and I would engage in such a lovely conversation about TARP and excessive executive compensation (as it relates back to my research assistant position) that he would tell me how intelligent and charismatic I was and how he would love to have me as part of their firm, then I would receive an offer shortly after with a fat compensation package, then I would break the great news to all my friends and family, and we would pop champagne bottles like they do in the movies and . . . yes, a girl can only dream. . .

I mean, it's just an interview right? And how many smart people am I competing with? It's not just the girl that sits next to me in tax class that's also in law review and was a judicial extern, but I'm competing with every other Ivy Leaguer out there, who is by far a lot more qualified in every aspect of their lives than little O.C. me. . . so that thought splat the ethereal daydream bubble forming over my head.

So here I am. I need to pull my thoughts away from the future and bring it back to the realities of stock dividends and corporate liquidations. Although this interview is for the ideal job because of the GREAT pay and the fact that it's located in Irvine- I need to remember how many applications and interviews an entry level student has to apply to and interview for before she's lucky enough to land THE job.

I am naive at times and, like I mentioned before, every event has always been the be all and end all for me.

Passion when it matters and nonchalance when it doesn't...

So I need to focus my energy on finals, which is for the next 2 weeks. My interview is in 3 weeks.

I may be a little Loyola Goldfish in an ocean of Rainbow Fishes and Ivy League Sharks, but that's not going to stop me now is it?

the load

"It's not the load that breaks you down.

It's the way you carry it."

- Lena Horne

"Go ahead, throw vanity out the window"

While idly reading my facebook stream updates earlier today I stumbled across an old friend's sister's profile status which linked to her blog (oh the degrees of separation in our social networks nowadays). She had shared with the world that she was making the conscious decision of not only donating her long locks, but that she was shaving her head to raise money and demonstrate her solidarity with kids who have cancer (via St. Baldrick's Foundation, which raises money to fund research in finding the cure for children's cancer). I was so flabbergasted (for lack of a better word) that any girly girl, especially the girls I know from Orange County, would ever do such a thing in her lifetime! It's one thing to cut off your hair but you're in an entirely different group to shave off your head for charity. The beautiful thing is it didn't take an affected person in her family or group of friends for her to do what she is doing. This is all entirely out of the goodness of her heart, for the sake of children who were not as fortunate to be dealt the same cards as us.

What are mere follicles on our heads when we've been blessed to live decades of such fulfilling lives, to experience emotions that uplifts us to those that pains us, compared to these young children who have barely graced the planet earth and are fighting just to stay on it to live to experience all the things we take for granted?

A woman who can rise above the societal influence of that vanity that pollutes our society today, and can step out of her own shoes and into the shoes of the less fortunate is the woman I aspire to become. Albeit a donation was all I had the courage to do, I am sure there are many different paths to get to that path of true selfless compassion.

the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray

So I failed at my last goal.

So what?

It's far behind me at this point.

I can't win them all.

To wallow in my successes and not get swallowed in my failures should be an all too familiar part of growing up by now.

I have my next big goal to attack: ace my LLM exams.

They're in less than a month so I should get out of this rut and not have one failure shut out subsequent hopes for future successes.

The finish line is near and then I'll get my couple weeks of break to revive for the next big challenge of 3L.

Cancun Countdown: 4 weeks, 6 days.

DVF

"The most important relationship you have in your life. . .

is the relationship you have with yourself."

— DVF

Bummed.

So I've been waiting for the results of Law Review and today was supposed to be THE day that invitations get emailed out. . . I couldn't sleep last night because I was so anxious. I kept refreshing my email the whole day today to see if there were any signs. . . it's 7:25pm. . . the end of today. . . still no email. Since class ended I've been studying the whole time for the last 3 hours. . . the feeling of defeat is slowly eating me inside and I'm trying hard to focus on what's important at hand: BTI homework. . .

I'm only human, so I can only put up with the nonchalance for so long. I know I can't win every battle I jump into. Every victory my heart beats as though it were on the verge of an attack. Every defeat it drops out of my chest on the verge of death. It's so hard to maintain neutrality, you know?

Well, right now it's currently feeling major defeat. There's a spark of hope that I'll get an invitation later tonight and if I'm lucky, a second-hand invitation tomorrow. However, I'm trying to slowly cope with it so I can start fresh tomorrow and not let it weigh me down. It's not the end of the world- there are other means of getting my foot in the door for jobs and it doesn't always mean having Law Review on my resume right? That can't be the make-all, break-all. I can't always push myself over the edge after result.

. . . Just got news that Frankie (family dog) just died. . . wow. Okay I am moping over all the wrong things.

Bye.