Higher Standards (interview #2)

I just had an interview earlier this morning for a government tax externship position for the Spring semester.

Conclusion: I will not settle for working in the public sector. I lied to myself when I said this was the path I wanted to take because working with the IRS last year was "so great." Truth be told, the people are boring and look boring and there's no life in their depressing office. My first job out of law school should be at a place where I can be challenged, all the while feel ALIVE. I don't know if my interview was so awkward because the person interviewing me didn't ask questions but stared at me to make conversation or if it was me trying to convince him that researching tax penalties and procedures was so exciting. . . No way.

Nonetheless, my next interview is on Friday for a prestigious accounting firm for a paid intern position in the Fall! The great thing about this internship is (1) it's international tax, (2) it's a great firm, (3) it's paid and flexible around my school schedule and most importantly (4) it may land me a job post grad (not to mention they have an office in Irvine as well). So I will prepare strategically for that.

I need to set a higher bar for myself and not settle for less because of this depressing economy. I have to admit that I am better situated than a lot of other law students because of my Tax LLM and my tax credentials that I worked so hard to build up- all within the last 2 years (and still going). I can land a position at a Big 4 accounting firm (if not a next tier firm) as a Tax Associate- and I am out to do just that . . .

So far, balancing the beginning of the school year with an active job search has been a bit tiring, but the interviews coming in are making me feel confident. I just need to prove to them that I'm not just qualified on paper, but in person too.

Farewell Summer!

The interview with the firm went pretty well! I thought I was the best I could be. I haven't received a rejection nor a callback from them yet- so that's still pending. I'm not entirely sure I want this position anyways- labor lawyers don't seem as respected and interesting as tax lawyers, based on what the partner told me- nonetheless, an offer would be nice ;)

Then I went on the best 4 day vacation with my family ever! I love Cancun and Me Hotel! It was the perfect recuperation mechanism to get me pumped for my last year. I went out of hibernation and got a nice new tan and a new zest for life.

I'm back in school this week and I realized after 2 years of law school, I've finally broken out of my nervous shell of speaking in front of a large group. After all, my goal for law school is to leave behind the self-conscious valley girl who comes off as the redheaded stepchild that doesn't belong (literally, redheaded) and become the confident redheaded lawyer whose not afraid to speak her mind.

Finally, the breaking news! I just checked my LL.M grades for the summer and guess who got the highest grade in the class?! I did! First Honors! Woohoo! I never even imagined or expected this would happen! I was too scared of just trying to get a decent grade I never expected I would get the highest grade! Pinot and I are celebrating tonight!

In conclusion, unlike a couple months ago in which Summer greeted me with all this bad news and a draining schedule, the end of summer has bid me farewell with the greatest gift I can possibly ask for: a vacation in paradise with my loved ones and top recognition for my hardwork.

So far, so good. I'm ready for my next challenge.

cliff of courage in cancun

Wow.

I never thought this day would come. I am finally finished with tax boot camp. 10 weeks of pure unadulterated torture. The first 2 hours of Partnership tax kicked my ass like a merciless bully beating me when I'm already down (note: 4 hours of sleep, minus 1 due to the bf's dreadful snoring, and on the brink of collapsing but barely saved by the 5 hour energy drink that pulled me through 5 hours of studying this morning followed by another 5 hours of testing). However, the last 2 hours of Corporate tax was like a kind friend making it easy on my bruised corpse to still have hope to walk out of the exam alive and content. Sounds like a bunch of nonsense because I haven't a grain of intelligence left in me at this point.

I have one interview to tackle tomorrow and then my vacation finally starts. . . I'm not going to beat myself up on this one though. There were interviews on campus today and upon seeing the back to back interviews these employers sit through, I think my chances of really landing this job is asymptotically approaching zero. I'm a realist. Not gonna bring my hopes up high just to see it fall hard. Besides, I'm probably going to have to go through tons of interviews to land the final job. Labor law is nice, but tax law is where I belong.

Anyways, each year I get about 1-2 weeks off. I'd say that's enough to recuperate and jump into the next battlefield. . . Learning to live with the stress.

After tomorrow, I finally have the time to dye my hair, do my nails, and shave my legs. I have to admit, it really is hard to be a smart scholar and a sassy socialite at the same time. I'll work on the latter in a year.

Ideally.

choices

interviewing for a law firm is not the equivalent of interviewing for a job at vogue

Just did my mock interview and oh god did I need it. On one side of the table was a poised, charismatic, and eloquent Asian woman. On the other side was a scared, clueless, and I-speak-like-a-teenager Asian girl. Yes, guess which one I was. Although I soaked in all her constructive criticism, and was very glad I did a practice interview before I approached the real thing, my interview confidence feels a little trodden on...okay, a lot trodden on. This transition into the corporate world is going to be difficult. What do they say? Fake it till ya make it. I need to practice professionalism and get that teenage twang out of me= speak like a pretentious British woman, not a fake California girl.

Wouldn't it be ironic if years from now I become exactly this woman I sat across from? She came from the same school I did and years later is a partner of her law firm. She's probably in her early 50s but wow does she look like the stress never aged her.

Inspired.

new title: "ballofstress 'n blahness"

I finally finished 1 of 2 exams yesterday. I pushed myself through the 4 hours+ of frantic, nonstop typing and made it through an hour of LA traffic, but when I finally reached the elevator of my apt. . . it all fell apart. I started to feel nauseous and I spent the rest of the night in bed with a headache. At first I was mad that I couldn't physically get out of bed to prepare for my mock interview later this evening, then I felt upset that I wouldn't have time to get all the studying done for my next exam, then I felt frustrated that I've been spending my life booking my calendar with goals and events that can make a normal person go crazy. When I finally stop worrying about one exam, I start to worry about being prepared for a mock interview (yes, a "mock" interview- it's not even the real thing), then on top of that, I start worrying about my exam next Monday, and to top it off, I freak out about how I won't be prepared for the interview of a lifetime on Tuesday. . . all this just added to the pounding sensation in my head. All I could do was lie in bed and cry until the pain went away and the voice inside my head would shut up. Quitting was never an option. . .why? because I reach the point where I want to raise the white flag always when victory is near. Never at the beginning and never at the midpoint, but always towards the end.

Nonetheless, I have a schedule full of things to do for the next 2 weeks, tons of studying and preparing to do today and I just needed to vent and calm myself down.

I keep thinking opportunity cost. What am I foregoing when I spend my days focused on landing a stable profession for the rest of my life? It's like selling my soul to the devil for 3 years to get to heaven. . . and I'm not even sure it's gonna be heaven outside these colorful Loyola walls. . . I just hope I won't regret all this and wonder what I did with my early twenties. . .

Childhood Memories

I remember in 6th grade I found this "After Awhile" poem in one of my self-help books and I was so inspired by it that I made a poster, decorated with childish drawings of flowers and doodles and stuck it up on my ceiling, right above my bed.

With every fight my parents had and with every growing pains I felt through my awkward years. . .

"And you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead,

With the grace of a woman,

Not the grief of a child"

With all the failed plans and goals I made for myself to be the woman I wanted to become. . .

"And you learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and

futures have a way of falling down in mid flight

. . . I was able to wake up every morning with the warmth of this mantra and put aside all my yesterdays and start anew.

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers”

I guess my years of independence all stemmed from that little poster.

"And you learn that you really can endure,

that you are really strong,

and you really do have worth"

I have to say that although I do wish he was here to tell me how paternal-ly proud he is of how far I've come from that timid little girl with big dreams and no mentor. . .

"And you learn and you learn

With every goodbye you learn"