romance and adventure

"The truth is, I am hungry for romance and adventure in life. I always have been. I thought my life would take me to live in Italy, but I fell in love with a man who chose Kentucky instead.  So, here we are. . ."

So begins this woman's journey for more romance and adventure in her life.  She sounds a lot like me if you replace Italy with Paris and Kentucky with California.  I stumbled across her website and read every inspiring article for the last couple hours in between class.

I should be feeling inspired and prepared to relay all these wonderful tidbits I found in her article, yet suddenly I feel even more unsure about my own life.  I don't know or understand why because I should be the most grateful person, yet I feel like Elizabeth Gilbert . . . My bf once told me that he was afraid I was going to pull an "eat, pray, love" on him one day. . . Surprisingly, that is not a far stretch from the truth.  I know that what I feel is lacking in my life cannot be found in Italy, India or Bali, but it stems from a deeper sense of self.  I just don't know how to snap it out of its senses.

I wasn't going to blog tonight but suddenly I felt this wave of emptiness and a horrible sense of unfulfillment.  It's odd because I'm not going through any quarter-life crisis and I do not have to default to living my "plan B" because "plan A" fell apart.  I am currently living my plan A!  So what is it?  I don't know . . . Perhaps turning 26 in a couple of days is making me become this melodramatic person that's questioning everything . . .

Is it really a pea or something deeper than that. . .

part of Eugenio Recuenco "Fairy Tales"