The Official Beginning of my Spring BREAK

March 31^st. Today marks the one year anniversary since I came on board with my company. I was surprised this morning not with a little Congratulations Nat on hitting your one year with us card but rather a big white cardboard box near my desk and a phone call from upper management. My gift was not only getting today off paid, but a severance package as well.

There was no pink slip like in the movies, but there was that dramatic feeling of walking out of the office holding a big box and upon my final exit, even the parking attendant said the words, “I’m sorry.”

So how do I feel? I’m not quite sure really…I had predicted this and had talked to my friends a few times that if our company had another round of lay-offs I would be ok with leaving, given I was already mentally ready for the next phase in my life. It’s happened too soon and now I have all this time before Law School starts to...I’m not sure what to do…sell my clothes and just window shop to satiate my shopping hunger, soak up the sun and become a beach bum, become a domesticated housewife and live off my boyfriend? I wasn’t ready to be released from the mundane working world so soon…

It feels bittersweet for me at least…bitter because it’s premature and sweet because I’m free to live it up before an intense 3 years of my life in the fall. So I guess you can expect to see more of me in the next few months!

 Yours Truly,

Young, Fabulous and Broke

Breakfast at Tiffany's

This weekend was one of those weekends I felt I had put to waste, moping the days away…then come Sunday and I wished I hadn’t been such a self-wallowing slug. I have the tendency to want one thing and when I get it, I start to miss what I’ve given up…when I’m at one place, I dream that my life would be different elsewhere and when I get to that somewhere- I miss where I was…I want to be a free spirit and not be held down by any such inclinations of love or dependence, but when I get that opportunity to be released, I become a prisoner of my own emotions being pushed out of where I was once comfortable.

I spent all of my Saturday morning watching and re-watching “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” even though I have seen it one too many times before…I love that I get transported into another place and time where I can forget my small troubles, which fades away every time into the backdrop of the old glamour of uptown New York.

I’ve always wanted to be a Holly Golightly, a carefree darling who mingled her way to a Manhattan loft, worked her way into the socialite realm, who dated many but was held down by none. As life would have it, perhaps I too might be starting on the same road as Holly (née Lula Mae)…a suburban girl from humble beginnings who falls into a committed relationship in her teenage year…sometimes wishing to break free to be on the other side of the world.

But it’s obvious that Holly is just as unhappy as Lula Mae…she gave up something stable and dull, like a pair of cheap Soda flats, for something unstable and exciting, like a pair of 5 inch Christian Lacroix heels. There was no balance, since she was always at polar ends of the spectrum. Paul made a comment that struck a cord …

“You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”

My preconceived notions of who I want to be or ought to be gets lost in my reality at times and I forget to count my blessings that perhaps having a lover whose wealth fluctuates with the stock market (who bought me Chanels and took me to fancy restaurants when the market was up and later then tells me to shop in my own closet and cook ramen for dinner when the market is down) is better than dating the “ninth richest man in the world” who will dump me at the slightest itch of a surfacing flaw…or even perhaps recycling last year's wardrobe to be recession-friendly is better than shopping every weekend to keep up with the times to end up in a deeper debt than the Federal Reserve...

Nothing political today…just a wake up call for the dreamer in me…and when I wake up I won’t be eating a croissant in a chic black gown in front of Tiffany’s down 5^th Avenue, but rather I’ll be at work in my bummy clothes eating oatmeal down in Culver City… and I am okay with that.



Nat

Dear Obama, My Friends and I can use some of that Bailout Money as well…

Good morning world! While I was brushing my teeth this morning and looking at my disheveled self in the mirror, I started to think about how I used to look like this every morning when I used to wake up for my early Econ classes dreading the boring lectures from McDevitt…I used to think to myself “this horror will be over...after college you will get a great job and make tons of money and every morning will be a new day in which you jump out of bed and be ready to make your indelible mark in the working world…”

Not even close. For some people this may hold true but for others it seems like an entry level job may almost be comparable to a bookmark in our lives; just holding the page until you’re ready for the next chapter. My job is not the hardest job in the world and in no way do I feel like it’s a challenge. I admit that it’s easy and I love that I’m not micro-managed and have the leisure of completing my work at my own pace…but in the words of Evita “Where do (I) go from here? This isn’t where (I) intended to be…”

If there’s one thing you must know about me, I can’t settle; I can’t settle for easy and comfortable; I need the challenge and I need to know that I’m going somewhere. Right now I’m stagnant, that’s why I decided I need to change the tides of things and go back to school and re-compass my direction in life.

Now I’m not complaining, because I know that I am actually lucky to even be employed compared to many recent graduates who are currently facing a horrific job market where entry level positions are asymptotically reaching zero!

Proof: http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/03/18/economy.college.students/index.html?iref=newssearch

So that BA degree that holds all that promise of a good paying job is considered BS right now. On top of that, our generation of young adults has accumulated a pile of debt for the cost of the continuously increasing cost of tuition and no job. Applying for a deferment due to economic hardship after a year out of college is like a premature cry towards bankruptcy. It’s like promising a loan shark you’ll get the money, but after a year of looking for it, you’re still at a lost as to what else to do. So what do we all do? Borrow more money and go back to school to see if we can become more educated to figure out where all that money is- digging ourselves an even deeper hole. It sounds cynical but it’s the sad reality.

On the bright side, Senator Carl Levin said it best, "The real question is- are we going to have a huge deficit with investment or a huge deficit without investment." Of course he is referring to Obama’s Stimulus Plan but I can say that we can apply this to our education as well- which is definitely an investment.

So my question lies here…the government right now is trying to mitigate everyone’s problems from saving the children and teenagers’ schools from budget cuts, to lowering interest rates for the couples in their 30s trying to be first time home buyers, to saving the seniors’ from losing their Social Security pensions; from assisting the poor in the lower income bracket to helping the rich (aka financial companies and banks and their wealthy CEOs) with bailouts.

What happened to us? The struggling college graduates in our twenties? We are the people to be saved since we are the future of today’s society! We are barely starting our lives in the real world but we are slowly dissolving in a quicksand of debt with no helping hands from employers who can aid us out of it. What is to become of my generation who still believes in the American Dream: you reap what you sow? We borrowed money to afford all the right equipment to plow a field assuming once the spring comes we will have much to harvest, but we are hit with Armageddon so what do we do now??? Ok I’m getting carried away…it’s still too early in the morning…

Nonetheless, I feel like something needs to be done in our sector of education…lowering tuition- sure, but how about prolonging the subsidized deferment timeframe or maybe some bailout money to waive a chunk of our debt from an education that held so much promise? It’s true today that a Bachelor’s degree is the equivalent of a High School degree and you are on equal playing grounds with everyone else. I understand now that just like the US dollar, our education system can also go through the cycles of inflation…so does this mean if you don’t get your PhD in 2050, you’re considered educationally stunted? Anyways that’s off topic, but either way we need help from the big guy…

Are you there Obama? It’s me Natalie…

 I was supposed to pay off this satin couture after I completed my studies...

 Nat

Future Under Construction...

Lately I've had my reservations about marriage....seeing all the soaring rates of unhappy marriages ending in divorce, the increasing infidelity, and even the devaluing of the institution of matrimony. I concluded loosely that I would focus on my career first and consider marriage at 29 or 30 years old- or maybe not at all…

But yesterday I watched this show called Celebrity Weddings, where everyday couples plan their weddings based on celebrity's weddings...and it was like chlorine polluting my preconceived pool of thoughts. I got a little ...sentimental. The emotional girly-shopaholic-lover of all fine things part of me submerged and was entrapped in the fairy tale idea of it all; ogling over everything, from the perfect Monique Lhuillier dress to the subtle Tiffany-esque décor of the reception. I shed a tear when the couple each took their deceased fathers wedding bands and melted it into their own wedding bands to declare some sort of symbol of a merge and acquisition of each others love…and then it went to commercial break and a cute Gerber’s baby was playing with her mommy on the living room floor…-and then I snapped out of it for the life of me.

What was I doing? A future lawyer doesn’t get emotional like this. If there’s anything I’ve learned so far, a lawyer is tough and objective and does not let the nonsense nature of emotions get the best of her. But my insides felt uneasy…It felt like something wasn’t right. I don’t want to be tough and mean and Omarosa…but at the same time I wanted to be a tough and successful lawyer. It was like an Oedipus Rex complex…how so? I’m not quite sure, but it’s comparable to that noxious idea of an incestuous act.

It’s always easier to follow a concrete path someone has already paved the way for and having that ideal role model to look up to and strive to become…but I have no such person I can think of. Not even Oprah whose putting Steadman and her expiring ovaries in the back burner…
I feel a lot of professional women moving up the ladder have had to make so many sacrifices- it be personality-wise or family-wise. They have to suppress their femininity (longer skirts; shorter hair; fight the ticking clock and the urge to say “oh it’s my female intuition”) in order to be taken seriously in a mainly male profession. I want to be able to leave my hair long and flowy, wear the things that best reflect who I am, follow my female instincts, have a family and be nurturing at home and still tough in the workplace. I want the best of both worlds.

In our world today, it may be rarer to find such a woman but I know down the road in my children’s generation there will be many women who will stay true to their maternal roles, yet find their to-be-defined Alpha-female position in the workforce.

The road’s not paved yet but I’m sure I'll be a part of the site construction...

Paving the way...
 Nat

Meghan McCain

Recently I have started paying attention to Meghan McCain- someone whom I would never expect to take any slight interest to. She was on The View discussing her recent feud with Laura Ingraham in which Ingraham attacked her not on her political stances but on her weight and her appearance- summing her up as a plus size model. I loved the way she handled this- not just by saying "Kiss my fat a**" but that she stated that Ingraham was giving a bad name for women by digressing from attacks to her intelligence to her appearance. When women do this to each other, we are only putting a cap on our true potentials to be up there with the big political guys.

I read her blog today on the TheDailyBeast.com and I can say that she can possibly be one of the voices of our generation. Yes she has that stereotype of being a blonde ditzy valley girl that would probably know more fashion than anything, but this is how a lot of girls like myself can relate. Sometimes people won't take you seriously because you have that label, but I do beleive that when the label comes off there is just as much potential and room for growth to be heard and taken seriously.

I am of course a self proclaimed Democrat, so it is not to say the least that I support a Republican, but it's the way McCain has approached politics that I respect. Despite the fact that she comes from a conservative family, she was not influenced by it initially and was an Independent at one point but now calls herself a "Progressive Republican." I would say that she is a right wing Moderate if anything. There has been a lot of strong figures in the GOP like Anne Coulter or Rush Limbaugh- who I feel have only ostracized impressionable people like myself to move even further to the left- to the left. I think McCain- being only 24- sees this and feels a need to have more strong figures, who are not extreme Republicans, speak out and change these attitudes. The Democratic Party, I feel, has had more of an advantage being portrayed much more highly and excessively in our media, giving our people what we want to hear and see. Obama had suddenly became a celebrity and for teenagers it was cool to support him- whatever it was he may be supporting.

I feel that our country always needs a balance of both. When a Republican President is too busy focusing on foreign affairs for 8 years and neglects our falthering economy, we need a Democratic President who can jump in to focus on domestic affairs and the pattern goes on. It's a balancing game that has made our country so much more progressive than any other country who have either been Socialist, Communist or what not over the last decades and decades.

All in all, I am still figuring out where I stand in the midst of all this mayhem, but whatever position I fall into I would never want to get lost in a label that because I am liberal everything liberal is the solution to our problems

Nat

Amending the Second Amendment

It's been so depressing reading the news lately about all the shooting sprees going on in our country as well as a European country like Germany, where it is said to have strict gun policies. I think what's worst than reading this is knowing that we have all grown pretty much immune and numb to this idea, having heard about it so much. I remember when the incident occurred in Columbine in 1999, it shook us and shocked us. Today it seems like commonplace news...

I have mixed feelings about the Second Amendment, yet I also am unsure where I stand on gun control. We just can't make everything that is considered lethal or harmful to society illegal and expect it to solve all our problems. We will only be expanding our definition of what it means to be a criminal and crime rates will skyrocket. Yet our economy is the worst it's been in a long time and people are growing more and more disillusioned and are resorting to suicidal and violent actions. So I think it is safe to say that we should implement stricter regulations on the sales of guns to every individual. I think professionals like psychologists should play a major role in this process, and not just politicians and economists. The problem lies less in the product being sold, but more so in the individuals making the purchase. Stricter background checks, increase the age requirement, increase the cost or even the tax. We may not eliminate the problem but we can sure reduce the chances of another headline in the news of multiple deaths due to an individual with a handgun.

With two dire wars and a deteriorating home front, it is necessary to make exceptions to certain constitutional rights written in different times to fit our current times.

Nat

A Lawyer?! Why?!

This weekend I went home to visit my family in OC and upon running 'round town to run errands with my mom, I realized just how soft of a grip I had on my dreams for law school. I grew up in a small city full of small business owners, so it's one of those things where adults see you grow up and constantly ask you what you're doing with your life. Not too long ago, the word was that I was going to fashion school to become a fashion designer. So when we went to our dry cleaner's and I told her I was going to law school this Fall, she looks at me and asks "Why? You look too nice to be a lawyer! I thought you were going to go to fashion school? Why?" It was a rhetorical question not expecting an answer...also given she was a seamstress, it wasn't too surprising that she would be more supportive of a more feminine profession.

Upon going to my Mom's accountant to get her taxes done later on the day, the accountant tells us that her wonderful daughter is planning on going to med school and become a doctor...my mom comes back with a "Oh well my daughter is going to law school..." With a look of almost refrained disgust, she responds "Law school? Why do you want to be a lawyer? You want to argue for a living?" I was at a lost for words as it was hard to think and respond in Vietnamese- since I'm not very fluent...So here I was thinking- why do I want to be a lawyer? For a moment, I actually second guessed myself...

As the day progress, I still felt dumbfounded...After graduation, a part of me had felt stagnant and lost when it came to what I wanted to do with my life and I needed a leaping board to advance me further- I have to admit that like most people it was what you'd call an expensive "Default option." It was for a point, but as the months went on to the painful task of studying for the LSAT, to the application process, to getting my first acceptance letter I started changing my mindframe about the concept of me becoming a lawyer and the idea adjusted in my head. I really believe that law school will open new doors for me and expose me to a network of intelligent people who will challenge my intellectual capabilities and push me further in the right direction. Sometimes you gotta hit the ground running and have that blind faith that whatever's planned may go astray but you will end up closer to your realized dream than if you sat and pondered what ifs all your life...

A slow Monday at work...so may return with more thoughts...

Nat

Outliers of Success...for now

It has been months and months since my blog debuted and I have abandoned it like a stray kitten- trying to find its niche...waiting for it's life to start...Since my epiphany I am proud to say that the grueling law school application process has been complete and I am sitting back and waiting for the raw fruits of my labor to grow. I have been accepted to my safe school in LA, so from this point on, my road to law school is at least secure.

I am still figuring out how to become this woman I strive to be...this fashionable woman with ingenious rebuttals and intelligent remarks in both the superficial and intellectual spheres...I have slowly trickled my attention into the wonderful world of politics via The View (strong women with strong opinions- but often times reaches the borderline of cattiness) and quick once-overs of current political news on CNN.com (enough for me to get the gist and butt into conversations with "yea so I heard..."). I have learned that with Facebook, Tivo and constant internet surfing, I have become a simpleminded voyeur that views the things that entertain and "fast-forward" the things that bore me...and so ADD has become a destruction to my fruitful endeavor to success.

My solution? Read. Yes, boring but it will be a sedative to the hyperactive kid inside me. Reading forces you to focus and understand, which as a result- stimulates my mind and makes me...think. So I am currently reading Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. It attracted me because it's The Story about Success- a unique approach to how we as a society has come to view this concept and how it can be blemished. I started it yesterday while watching American Idol and have actually taken a slight affinity to Gladwell's ideas. I am a quarter through the book and will discuss in further details when I am complete.

With work being such a bore, I have more time to stop reading other people's blogs and go back to blogging myself!