Christmas came and left too soon

After having dinner with my bf's family on Christmas eve, we stayed up late watching "A Christmas Story" on TBS.  I can see why it's a holiday classic.  It's funny how as a child, everything seems so life-threatening and dramatic, one event after the next.  It sounded rather humorous having an adult narrator embodying the thoughts of little Ralphie.  Perhaps that's why I appreciated it so much, because it was only a week ago that I had dug up my old journals (all 13 books dating back from 1999!) and spent hours reading them.  It was exactly like that, an older me narrating the thoughts of the younger me and it was so silly how I had such a dramatic and exaggerated tone about sibling rivalry or crushing on boys, and then on the very same page, the mature reflections about the Jane Austen books I had read for fun. . . all at the age of 13.  Wow.                        

Anyways, this Christmas my bf and I said we wouldn't get each other anything because I was back to being a nonworking student and Christmas shopping for family was expensive in itself.  However, even though I said I didn't want a gift from him, a big part of me was still hoping for something small from him, just to open.  We've been together for 7 years, but that doesn't mean he has to be dull and unromantic.  Knowing me too well, he did get me a gift.  He got me a card and actually wrote something sweet.  That was all I needed.  I love more of the thoughtful gifts like that; not like last year when he got me a $700 Theory pant suit because he said I would need "a nice suit when I become a full-fledged lawyer."  Does he know what I can do with that much money?  A new Miu Miu clutch and Ferragamo flats maybe?!  Well, it is still in its dust bag with the tags still on.  Hopefully I can still fit into it next year . . .

Anyways, of course, there was something more to the card.  There was a cute bottle of wine and a small piece of paper that indicated we would go to a wine country in Santa Barbara for two nights to go wine tasting!  I was very excited because I've been wanting to go, but it's hard when he hates wine!  Perhaps he can learn to appreciate the taste and I can learn more about this art!  The location he planned for us to go to was called Fess Parker, which seemed extremely expensive for a mere 2 nights, so I told him I would plan our trip on a smaller budget!  I did a lot of research yesterday and booked our stay at this quaint shabby chic hotel in Solvang called Hadsten House Inn and Spa.

I also made him watch Sideways because it was supposedly about two guys going on a road trip to the same wine country we planned to visit.  I was very excited to watch the movie because I was hoping to see beautiful vineyards with a French Provincial vibe and I just expected an overall feel-good movie.  Wow was I wrong.  It was an award-winning movie back in 2004 . . . but why?  How?  It was so depressing because it was about two unattractive, old men going through their midlife crises.  I tried to see pass it, to appreciate the art of wine tasting, and the progression of the lives of this simple fruit . . . All I saw was dirty, southern-looking motel rooms, boring people in drab clothes, and the potential for a very boring countryside trip for a very urban girl.  On the other hand, my bf appreciated it (probably only after he read the critics review) . . .

Nonetheless, my goal this break and coming year was to mentally slow my life down a little, so perhaps I can find the beauty in it all and develop a deeper appreciation for the countryside.  I just ordered "The Wine Bible" on Amazon, so I can get a head start on being educated.

It's been a lot of family time lately, my sisters are coming over today to hang out and I will attempt my first Julia Child's recipe!              

"I like to think about the life of wine. How it's a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline." Sideways. (love, love this quote) 

Love,
Nat

"Bloom Where You're Planted"

In the midst of Andrea Jung's abdication from CEO of Avon and a bribery scandal dug up by the SEC, I thought this is perfect timing to commemorate her for her accomplishments and not remember her for the last "mistake" she made.  I read a brief biography about her and I oddly felt we shared some sort of reincarnative simultaneous lives.  Yes, she's more than twice my age, but her early life felt vividly parallel to mine. The difference? Her story and success has unfolded and mine is anxiously waiting to be lived.  

• She was born to Chinese immigrants //  I was born to Vietnamese immigrants.
• In high school she was involved in student body and started as class secretary before becoming President //  In high school I was involved in student body and started as class vice president before becoming President. 
• She ended up going to Princeton //  I ended up going to UCLA (not an Ivy League, but still for the sake of my analogy. . .)   
• She planned on going to law school but took a detour by working at Bloomingdale's with the hopes of gaining an edge in managerial training before law school  //  I did not plan on going to law school but took a detour by working at Bloomingdale's with the hopes of gaining an edge before breaking into the fashion marketing industry.  
• Her aspiration to be a lawyer diminished in the dust as she moved up the ranks at Neiman Marcus  //   My aspiration to apply to the Neiman Marcus Buyer's Program diminished in the dust along with the hopes of being in fashion as I went to law school . . .
• Two decades later and she is CEO of Avon and is known as the "CEO Who Wore Chanel." //  . . .  

Could it be that had the stars lined up for me that very week I was debating between going to FIDM and applying to the NM program in New York, or abandoning the fashion industry altogether and get a 9 to 5 job, I may have inevitably walked the same path she grazed?  Had I let too many disillusioned FIDM students and a practical, realistic bf talk me out of a road ready to embrace my footsteps?  That, I'll never know. Who says I can't end this anecdote with "Two decades later and I am CEO of  ___ and is known as the CEO Who Wore Chanel" . . . we will time capsule this for a future date.  2031?

"when she instituted a casual dress day at the company’s New York City headquarters . . . Jung would opt for minimalist Giorgio Armani suits instead of her usual Chanel fare"
via http://www.forbes.com/sites/leahbourne/2011/12/19/the-ceo-who-wore-chanel/ 

sources: http://www.notablebiographies.com/supp/Supplement-Fl-Ka/Jung-Andrea.html; http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/8285/%E2%80%98follow-your-compass-not-your-clock%E2%80%99 

rain, rain

via weheartit.com

It's pouring outside . . . as I'm studying inside with my warm cup of coffee . . . Carla Bruni quietly playing in the background . . . Christmas lights flickering . . . Finals week . . . trying to make it as bearable as possible.
Love,
Nat

Be Parisienne

Last week I found this article that I've been meaning to share, as it relates to this whole Project Happiness of mine:  http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/07/travel/five-paris-lessons/index.html

Five Lessons Learned From Living In Paris

"Before I lived in Paris, I would go through life on autopilot. . .

Paris taught me not how to just exist, but to thrive and make every small moment meaningful."

1. Live a passionate life

2. Cultivate an air of mystery

3. Look presentable always

4. Don't forget the simple pleasures 

(and do not deprive yourself)

5. Make life a formal affair

I thought this was wonderful because I had spent 5 weeks in Paris studying abroad, and I barely took the time to appreciate it's beauties until I started reminiscing about it.  I remember the first time our tour guide took us to see the Eiffel tower from the Palaice de Chaillot, where the view was breathtaking.  I remember the gorgeous view of the city from the Sacre Coeur atop the Montmarte Hill.  I remember running down the streets of Paris to class, holding big sketch boards, and dropping by the same cafe to pick up the same strawberry tart and cafe latte each morning.  I recall people enjoying their lattes and staring at me, probably scoffing "Ah, un-notha Ah-meh-rican gurl en Pah-ri."  I recall shopping around the Champs-élysées and purchasing my first Chanel purse.  Paris was also the place where I developed my love for wine.  If I could slow it all down, I would relive those 5 weeks with more passion.  And that is the end of that for now.

Fast forward a couple years later, I stumbled onto this link and sent it to all my sisters as my "bridal shower inspiration."  I still love it.  So bookmarking it here.  Vintage Paris and Peonies. 

http://www.heavenlybloomsblog.com/2010/08/french-inspired-bridal-shower.html

And the whole point of this, was just to say that I wanted to add another thing  to my to-do list: Project Remodeling: redecorate my vanity table area and office - parisienne inspired, on a budget!  Meaning, I will try to paint, reupholster, and all that fun stuff.  Limited to these 2 areas because those are the only places I have jurisdiction over, everything in our apartment has to be androgynous.  It will be something fun and mindful to do this break.  It'll get my creative juices flowing after such a long semester of brain wringing!  

Au Revoir!

stop and stare

Vendella Johanssen for Marie Claire Czech

Almost a week of yoga and I am slowly becoming more cognizant of my mind and body . . . I notice these storms of anxiety that clouds my mind or natural waves of worriness that overwhelms my body every time I hit some sort of roadblock in my studying.  I keep feeling there's not enough time or I'm going to succumb to failure . . . I've only been studying for 3 hours and I already need a break . . . I stumbled across this short clip (below) and it helped me put things into perspective.  I forget that finals is merely just that, a series of exams.  Important, but not enough to destroy today, Friday December 9, 2011.  I will pace myself for the next 6 hours.             

"I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love."

A couple nights ago, the BF and I went around looking for a mini Christmas tree for our little apartment.  I have always loved Christmas and, throughout my childhood, was always the one pestering my Dad or older sister to get a tree or put up the lights around the house.  So this year was no different, just a different person to whine to, a smaller budget and a smaller place.  After circling town for a Christmas tree farm, we finally arrived at a local tree lot.  I immediately asked a worker what the smallest size tree they had.  He walked us through a jungle of trees and over to an empty spot with a lonely looking 4 feet tall tree, and said that's the last one.  He left while we stood there staring at it.  It was tipped over and had about what seemed to be 5 inches of a naked neck.  The last one, huh. . . I wonder why. . . Charlie Brown's tree flashed through my head and I then made the executive decision (over a nonchalant BF who really didn't care- for Christmas for that matter!) that this would be THE ONE!  I immediately decorated it when we brought it home and finally topped it with a Star today.


Another 9 hours of studying has passed.  Time for an hour of yoga to destress.  Then making dinner and hanging out with the BF the rest of the night.  Just because it's finals period doesn't have to mean I have to be depressed in my books.
Love,
Nat

                                                

yoga

via Pinterest

After 9 hours of sitting at my desk and stressing over finals today, I took a breather and tried out my new Yoga DVD that came in the mail earlier today.  I laid out my yoga mat in front of the TV, closed the curtains, and turned off all the lights so only the glimmer from the string of Christmas lights wrapped around our cute 4 ft noble fir modestly lit up the room.  As I started with the sun salutation pose and paid close attention to my breathing, I started to inhale the aroma of pine and felt the warmth of Christmas sink deep into my core.  The stress in my body slowly evaporated from my heart. . .

Ahhh. . . this is my Ashram.  

Study time. . .

Convenient study space (courtesy of the BF)

Project Happiness: Exercise

Chapter 1: Boost Energy

Goal: Find a daily exercise regimen I enjoy 

Lately, I've noticed my diet consists of a lot of binge snacking, unhealthy big meals, and wine and beer drinking after a long day, resulting in weight gain, resulting in lack of energy, resulting in moodiness.    

So yesterday I decided to work out to the 20 minute Jillian Michael's DVD, starting all over at Level 1 (mind you I had already progress to Level 2 months ago).  After 5 minutes, I wanted to quit.  I realized aerobics or anything that involves intense movement is not for me.  I managed to push myself through it, but this was not going to be a routine I can naturally build into my schedule.  I just dreaded it too much.  Bikram Yoga is too far of a drive, too expensive, and I was just too out of shape to withstand the heat.  So I ordered a Yoga DVD on Amazon to arrive Monday.  We'll give that a test drive.     

Every Saturday morning the BF and I would laze around and eat breakfast and then watch HGTV until I fall asleep again or until I feel ready to go into the office and study the day away.  Today, I decided that we take advantage of living near the beach and near downtown and take a walk to have breakfast.  It was so nice!  We walked 2.25 miles and stopped by a Jamba Juice to take a shot of wheat grass (because it's supposed to be a good form of detox or something) and then ate outdoors at La Creperie.  We walked back another 2.25 miles and here I am enjoying my nice cup of homemade espresso latte to study the rest of the day.  We've decided to make this part of our routine!

Long Beach @ 10am

2 shots of wheat grass

Perfected the art of espresso making

It's a start :)

rule of a lady

via weheartit.com

Corporate Attire

Why, this is my Casual Friday
Marloes Horst for Jalouse 2011

"When women are in flats, and they say, ‘I’m comfortable,’
I say they need to man up and put on a pair of 4-inch heels, 

nothing gives you more respect."

"Fashion is really all about showing your personality and having fun with it. 

People that wear practical shoes, an ill-fitting blazer, 

who told you that you have to wear that?"

-Amy Smilovic of Tibi

My internship has recently ended, but did I ever mention that every day I went to work I always had on a cute outfit and 4 inch (if not 5 inch) heels?  Women in the office took business casual to a whole different level of boring.  Most of them were dressed in sloppy slacks, plain Jane tops and not-so-chic flats.  For that reason, I always felt like I stood out - in a good or bad way through the eyes of these women, I don't know.  (Although I did get an anonymous complaint to my supervisor that my casual Friday skirts might be too short. . . hmph)  What I do know, is that I felt good about myself - my ability to work with these people on an intellectual level but also my ability to embrace my youth and uniqueness on a fashionable level.  I'm eventually going to get trapped in the boring, old world of tax law, but what I do in my career should not define or dress me.  Like I had said at the debut of my blog- my goal is to merge both worlds of fashion and intelligence together.  I understand now how that's supposed to happen:  Dress like I'm the CEO of Net-a-Porter, but work like I'm the Partner of a Big 4.       

Smilovic article via http://www.forbes.com/sites/leahbourne/2011/11/29/work-style-with-tibis-amy-smilovic/

studying? what studying?

Mikaela Carlen for Velvet

the Happiness Project

via Pinterest

I am finally in the midst of finals and have put away the stress of juggling part time work, a full load of classes and interviewing and networking to land the ideal job.  It feels good to have won that uphill battle and start the new war of acing my finals and really wrapping up the semester with a bang.

As the warmth of Thanksgiving has passed and the coziness of Christmas music and lights is starting to blanket the cities, I have really been thinking about how extremely fortunate to be exactly where I am at this point in my life.  Although I sometimes feel as though I have been running around like a headless turkey trying to survive each semester (not only to stay alive but to lay out the rest of my future), I have gone to bed each night feeling blessed in so many ways.  I do feel that I am where I want to be career-wise because of all the energy I put into planning and implementing.  But where have all the years gone?  1% of the time, I make plans with all the ambition and enthusiasm of an uninhibited child and then I spend  98% of the time implementing those plans inhibited by the pressures of life. . . holding my breath, trying not to sink, swimming for my life until I finally reach the next island . . . all so I can catch my breath for air and spend the remainder of that 1% celebrating on that island; all this so I can start over and plan how to get to next island.  What happens in the end is I have managed to "travel the world" yet I have lost my youth along the way.  Yes, the cliche "it's the journey not the destination" is what I'm getting at.  So my point is this:  This new year, I plan to learn how to old my breath underwater and enjoy the view :)

I stumbled across this website: http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/ via Forbes Woman and ordered the book and the journal so I can start this growing process.  THIS is the manifestation of my attempt at implementing a resolution of building myself personally and spiritually.

I have 2.5 weeks before the semester is over and I am 83% of the way through law school!  Then comes a wonderful month long of doing anything I want!  No work, no school, no anything!  I really plan to soak up this me-time!

Winter Break Plan
1.  Read more
2.  Blog often
3.  Bikram Yoga                              
4.  Bar Prep Plan
5.  Mini Getaway with the BF
6.  Plan Graduation Vacation
7. (@12/10) Remodel Vanity and Office area

I'll add on to the list as it comes to me. . .
Nonetheless, what comes after this wonderful break is 2012 : the end of my professional student life and the beginning of my professional career!

A.  (Jan-May) Final Semester + Graduation!
B.  (Jun-Jul) Excruciating Pain of Studying for the Bar + Taking the Bar!
C.  (Aug-Sept) Vacation + Lazing around in Freedom
D.  (October-...) Start of my Career!

I can see all this just flash before my eyes!  Next thing you know I'll have a list of things to do before I turn 30!  I am slowly blossoming out of my cocoon.  However, this coming year I plan to be mindful of each day because "the days are long, but the years are short."

...And that is how I landed THE Job

As you may know I have been debating between two job options.  One with the prestige but not the people and job opportunity that I wanted.  The other without the prestige but the job position that I wanted.  I have been talking to god-knows-how-many people in this process and collecting stacks of business cards and sending tons of thank you emails.  A manager in my department suggested I discuss my dilemma with a past colleague/friend, who was kind enough to meet with me and chat.  We eventually decided for me to meet with him near his work (a Big 4 that I did interview with in LA but was still waiting for an offer but I ruled them out merely because of location and because I could not specialize) and at 7:30am at a cafe.

11/22/11 7:00am @ Il Fornaio cafe . . .
Waiting for my fate to walk through the door...

Okay, so think about it- my time is spread thin from work and school.  Now I have to consider waking up at 5am to drive 1.5 hours to meet a stranger in Irvine who would give me "mere advice" and drive 2 hours to get to LA to make it into work on time.
Yes, I decided to make my life harder and go.  I was thinking of this as "networking."  After all he was an International Tax Senior Manager - you never know of the possibilities.
We met and talked and an hour later he decides to show me the office to meet with some people who could also give me "advice." Five hours and a stack of business cards later . . . I came back into an office and he tells me "Natalie, I pulled some strings and I'm going to extend you an offer right now to work with us."
WHAT?!  WOW!  I never felt such a surge of relief, such a sense of gratitude that with patience, perseverance and luck I would land the job that embodied everything on my list.  I did not have to choose between what my heart was telling me and what my mind was telling me.  I was able to have both!  The people were wonderful; the office was the nicest office I have seen and the location was prime; the pay was great; the prestige was there; the opportunity to be in International Tax was there.  It was all there waiting for me at 7:30am - I just had to show up and be myself and grab it.
This Thanksgiving I am so thankful for everything that has gone down lately.  I have grown so much merely going through this job search and meticulously asking questions every step of the way to make sure I would be making an informed decision.  After so much discomfort and uncertainty of each company that gave me an offer, I felt like I finally went to an oracle and told him my problems and exactly what I wanted in my career just to find he would resolve my problems and put me in the right path.  All I had to do was ask.  I have started the next chapter in my career, all to begin in October 2012.  Now, I need to refocus the next months on school and close this great chapter in my life.

#fail

I always get embarrassed by the dumbest things that makes me feel like the dumbest person in class . . . 

I need to get over that and not strive for perfection all the time!  

Live without fail is not living at all! 

Burnout by 30

Audrey a Roma exhibit

"One reason that women are burning out early in their careers is that they have simply reached their breaking point after spending their childhoods developing well-rounded resumes. . . These women worked like crazy in school, and in college, and then they get into the workforce and they are exhausted . . .

Many also didn’t think of their lives beyond landing the initial first job . . . They need to learn life is a marathon, not a sprint . . .

They expected things to be better now that they’ve arrived and made it.  But instead they are starting over on the bottom rung and still striving.  You can’t see the end of the tunnel because they are so many twists and turns.  It’s impossible to see what life will be like in 20 years these days.  It’s hard to look just 3-4 years in the future.   They don’t know what they are striving for, which makes it really hard to move forward . . .

Millennial women are tapping into their Type-A personalities to combat this fatigue. . .  It’s important to analyze what is causing the dissatisfaction . . .  The old adage, ‘Out of the frying pan and into the kettle’ is filled with wisdom: often we leave a job because of unhappiness and in our zeal to get away, we fall right back into the same traps, the same situations.” 

Forbes Article: "Why Millennial Women are Burning Out at Work by 30"  http://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2011/11/11/why-millennial-women-are-burning-out-at-work-by-30/

I have some time to learn from these women's mistake.  I have barely set foot in Corporate America and am already starting to feel burned-out myself . . . This is a marathon, not a sprint.  There was no solution in this article and that worries me.
Love,
Nat

Mind over Matter

I have so much I want to discuss because there has been so much going on in my head.  Of the 4 firms I have applied to, I have gotten 2 offers so far and no rejections!  That is great news because those were the 2 firms I really wanted for different reasons.  I have been pulled in different directions by the people of each firm who want me to be a part of their team and now I have to make the final decision of where I truly believe is the best place to launch my career.  Big decision.  

via weheartit.com

I have made a pros and cons list of both places and am gravitating more and more towards one firm.  I have chosen (1) firm prestige, (2) location, (3) a once-in-a-lifetime mentor and (4) money and competition over (1) nice people, (2) work/life balance, (3) the opportunity of working in international tax (the group I want), and (4) a senior title.  I'm going with what logically makes sense. . . not what emotionally feels right.  It was a hard decision, but an important decision to be made this point in my life.  I am taking a high risk and hoping for a high return, rather than a low risk for a low return.  

I have been extremely stressed because I have been talking to so many people in the industry, all at the expense of schoolwork.  I never knew I had it in me to have meetings, lunch, or dinner with high-powered partners and random professionals to discuss career advice with them.  I never knew I had it in me to be this poise and personable person that these professionals would praise and want to work with.  Once I stopped making excuses to get out of my comfort circle, I entered a whole new world that I thought I would be so intimidated by.  I feel all this networking and taking chances has paid off and now I need to refocus on my looming finals.     

Asides from all that, I have managed to squeeze my first Bikram Yoga class a couple of days ago and concluded I definitely need this in my life.  As fate would have it, I had stumbled across this great Groupon deal for 60 days of hot yoga for $25.  Although I did faint the first half hour of class, I came back into the hot war zone and finished like a soldier.  Everything in my life has been happening for a reason and although I have been feeling extremely down and tired lately each morning and night, I feel like I am in a great place and this can help change that.

To sum it all up. . .

Career-growth-wise, I have found:

• a well-paying job at a great firm with the perfect female mentor to start a long-term relationship with, to mold me into the career woman that she is and more.    
• the guts to network with strangers to open a myriad of opportunities I never knew were available (I literally have a stack of business cards) and 
• a great website (Forbes Women) to give me daily doses of inspirations

Personal-growth-wise, I have found:

• Bikram Yoga. . . the beginning of a journey through my mind and body to find balance through all this madness I'm experiencing and
• blogging. . . the continuation of, of course.

There really has been rhyme and reason through all this chaos and I am embracing it every step of the way.  Time for round 2 of yoga class.  This time I will not faint.

                  

Love,

Nat

done

Done. Done. And done. 

I hope I do not have to go on another interview for a looong time. 

Faye Dunaway for Vanity Fair

Now we wait for the winner.

I've been up since 6 am. . . a 2 hour drive to San Diego for a 5 hour interview with a firm and people I was not very fond of. . . a 3 hour drive to LA. . . and now I'm getting ready for my 2 hour night class.  Then it's a 45 minute drive home.  It's merely Wednesday too.  Two final round interviews down this week and my last one is tomorrow.  I'm extremely, extremely tired and ready to drop dead in a corner.  I haven't felt like myself lately either. . . and on top of that, things have been tense with the bf.  Yes, I'm taking out my moodiness on him, but if he's going to throw his hands up in the air and give up - where do I go from here for moral support?  It doesn't help that I'm meeting interesting, independent people who are my age and doing their own thing and building their own career without the dependency of a significant other. . . Again, a part of me always wants to be there, even when I should be content being here.      

Interview #6: Future's Looking a Lot Brighter. . .

Camilla Akrans for NY Time Style

Went on interview #6 today with another Big 4!  They literally got back to me an hour later!  As of next week, I will be doing final rounds for ALL 3 firms!  This means 4 potential offers ;)

It's been tough and I had another meltdown last night, but the fruits of my labor are slowly paying off. . .

Happy Friday!

Arizona Muse for Vogue Paris

I got call backs for a final round of interviews from both firms!  Although I've been up since 5:30am, today has been a day full of wonderful news and hopeful opportunities!  I'm that much closer!

Interview #5

I got an interview with another Big 4 firm.  Applied to 3 of the 4 and got interviews from 2.  I will know if I get a callback from the first one next week.  My first interview for this new one is tomorrow (thank god it's a phone interview).

I'm pretty tired.  It's hard waking up at 6 am for work when the sun's not up.  It's also hard working in the early mornings and then going to class into the late nights.  I have to say that I am fortunate my classes are not eating me up this semester.  It's all manageable.  Nonetheless, it's still hard - I have yet to meet anyone who is in law school full time and working part time.  We're not legally allowed to work more than 20 hours per week with a full time schedule (I'm working 18 hours) - that just shows how impossible it can be.

Anyways, I should be excited by this interview tomorrow, but I'm not for some reason.  That "some reason" is probably the same reason I have once a month.  If not, it's because I'm tired.  On top of that, I think I really am stressed out.  I haven't been able to sleep since I started interviewing and working these past couple months.  It takes me forever to fall asleep and, when I do, I dream of horrible things.  For example, I tried going to bed early last night and I dreamt that I saw a light and went to it and a swarm of bugs started to attack me and I screamed and woke up - apparently it was just the light from the bf's cellphone.  Wow.

I'm still trying to prove myself at work.  My supervisor says I'm doing a good job but I can still work on understanding who my audience is when I draft something and make sure it flows. . . *sigh*  I have to be in the office at 7am this Friday - which means I have to leave my apartment at 6am - which means I have to wake up at 5:30am.  Damn.

Flavia de Oliveira for Elle Spain

I've been mentally drained, but at least I've been able to physically keep it up.
I've learned that when you look like a mess, you feel like a mess and
when you look like a million bucks, you feel like a million bucks. . .
whatever that means    

Wish me luck on hearing back from Interview #4 and acing Interview #5                     

Perfecting the Art of Espresso-making

I have finally ditched the many weak attempts at making coffee that tastes like dirty socks and ultimately running to the nearest Starbucks.  I finally bought an espresso/cappucinno machine and coffee bean grinder this weekend.  Two failed attempts so far. . . I can't get the espresso to drip dark brown and I can't get the milk to froth to the right temperature without overflowing.  Despite my frustrations, I managed to google the solutions: buy an espresso tamper to make sure the water flows through the grounded coffee evenly and buy a milk frother pitcher.  Done and done.  So much work for a good cup of coffee. . .      

Welcome October . . .

What a long week. Early mornings at work. Late nights at school. 

Relaxing weekends with the boyfriend...

My newest challenge. Loves it.  

Claudia Schiffer for ? 

First Day of Work!

Quick update on Int. #4? It went great! Still waiting for a callback for a second interview, but it really doesn't matter at this point. I started my first day of work yesterday and I believe I have found my niche.

It felt pretty surreal yesterday. I was able to attend the monthly video conference meeting full of seniors and partners (I was the only young intern there too). It was like in the movies, where important people would sit at a long table and at the end was a big video screen split into blocks, with different offices in different cities, and the partner would be on the main screen. I was thinking "wow, I feel so important." Better yet, I understood every single thing that was discussed. However, unlike the movies, the few women in the office weren't beautiful and in classic tweed suits and Manolos. Rather they were the total opposite- no makeup, dressed in plain black with cheap looking one inch heels. . . Nonetheless, they were intelligent and obviously belonged to this think tank of men.

Later on the day, the senior associate had me sit in on another phone call to discuss his client issue with the partner. What do you know- I had read a case regarding the exact similar issue. Hard work and paying attention in class really does pay off. . .  

Starting this week I will be juggling part time work with full time school, but it will all be worth it. My goals starting now?

Drink as much coffee as it takes to
  (1) Own every project I'm assigned and prove that I can move up the ladders quickly
  (2) Wake up at 6:30 am each morning and still dress fab for work
  (3) Keep up with the international news so I can talk to all the senior people about FTCs, CFCs, FBARs, FATCs, and all those acronyms-  like it's no big deal.

We were given a personal laptop and. . . a bulky black BACKPACK to carry it with. . . wow- total drab. In search for a cute laptop bag!

I'm sure my laptop would fit snugly in a Birken. . .
Olivia Palermo

Interview #4

I would like to thank God . . .
Yijia Cheng

So honored! One of the Big 4 this time! Wish me luck next Wednesday!

. . .

It's that time of the month again. . . I feel extremely emotional and weighed down. I have tons of things on my to do list, but I would much rather just sit here and stare into space. Cant. Move.

check mate

Over the last couple weeks I started playing Chess (on my iphone) and I have become rather addicted to it. I am naturally a competitive person so I hate losing, and chess has been proven to be a major challenge for me. It's interesting in that, unlike other games, every move has certain consequences. You have to be able to predict your opponents next couple moves and you have to strategize on, not only how to protect your King but, how to attack the opponent's King. In a lot of ways, I can relate this back to economics and international tax. . . Hmmm, I'll save that for a rainy, idle day (doubtful).

I have become invincible when it comes to Scrabble. Now my new challenge to take on.

Happy Monday! Good day so far, although Mondays are my long days.

Love,

Nat

Offer Accepted

10:10 a.m. Throwing on my heels to rush out the door to head to a wedding

10:13 a.m. Phone rings from a 949 area code. . . I know what that means. . . I let it go straight to voicemail

10:24 a.m. Rushing to the check into the cruise ship as I return the call.

10:27 a.m. I got an offer!

As the day went on, I enjoyed glasses after glasses of champagne. . .celebrating this new matrimonial relationship I will be having with this new career.

In a couple of weeks I start as a part time intern. . . out to prove that I'm ready to squeeze the corporate world into any crevices left of my school schedule. It's going to be hell, but when has coffee and energy drinks not been enough to pull me through anything? Come December- my future will unfold before me as I'm sure an offer will be waiting for me. Of course in the interim, I will make sure that I have more opportunities to fall on in case things fall apart.

I never planned this and never imagined something this great can fall on my lap. The stars really are lining up for me this time and I am so grateful.

Love,

Nat

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way. . ."

I met with the tax partner today and he was surprisingly nice! I didn't realize it until today, but instead of me trying to sell myself to the firm, I really felt as though they were trying to sell their firm to me! It was not at all an interview like I thought, where the executives try to make you sweat and see if you crack under pressure. . . It was more like a Q&A and I was asking all the questions. It does help that I have a JD and LLM under my belt at the end of the year ;)

I am actually confident that they will send me an offer! The offer however will be for the internship position and if they like my work I will inevitably be extended a full time offer as a - get this. . . a SENIOR TAX ASSOCIATE! "Senior!" I know! I have never felt so sure about my career and where I belong. I'm sure the work will be hard and challenging but I know I have so much to contribute and so much potential! Assuming I get this position, I will still nonetheless keep my options open with the Big 4. So that's the great news. The light at the end of the tunnel has never felt so much closer.

I celebrated the end of the day with a Friends marathon. Yes, I have the entire 10 seasons and have watched it all during rough patches in my life- it just happened to be on tv tonight. . . Nonetheless, it's the one series that still makes me laugh. What's ironic is that Friends started out as a group of friends in their 20s, trying to figure out who they are and struggling to figure out their career paths. As the seasons progress, and they reach their 30s or 40s, they have their careers set but they face different struggles. . . It's not to say that I've figured out my career, but I feel as though I'm on season 2. . . slowly coming into fruition of myself and having a good idea of direction.

I remember my post college years while I worked at Bloomingdale's, I was soo depressed and lost. I was watching Friends for hours and hours just to get away from the dreadful reality of how a graduate with two degrees can end up wrapping hundreds of Christmas gifts for big clients in a small little room on the upper floor of Bloomingdale's. Of course fast forward a year, I ended up at another company stuck in front of a computer all day doing the same repetitive task. . . and then I started this blog and tried to take life by the horns and create a game plan to steer me in the direction I wanted to be.

Then as my blog progressed and I'm still set on this path- I am right where I want to be. . .

Trust me, no matter how much I complain, I am truly soaking up all these struggles that will eventually make me become the person I want to become. I know, I know, it's about the journey and not the destination. I definitely don't want to know that my twenties flew out the door before I even had a chance to embrace it.

If I don't proceed this entry with a celebratory "I got the offer!" entry. . . then something is definitely wrong. . . because pigs will be flying outside my window if that's the case. That confident.

Anyways, I have a wedding to attend tomorrow- it's on a cruise ship, so it should be fun. Then I have a long weekend of school work.

Love,

Nat

"Under Pressure"

Preparing for judgment day tomorrow evening...

I really thought that winning the hearts and minds of the director and senior associate in the first round of interviews was the hardest part, but based on my research. . . the final round with the Tax Partner may possibly be a lot harder and more intimidating than expected. Commercial awareness and the ability to cope under pressure seem to be the prevailing themes in the final round. . .

Commercial awareness? Um... I hope scratching the service of any relevant news article will help me get through this. Perhaps my daily commute with CNN will stick a couple buzz words in my head. Nonetheless, I am printing out tons of news articles about international tax to skim through and highlight tonight after class. Highlighting and making side notes help me retain information a lot easier than merely reading it online.

Coping under pressure? Hmm that was my theme song throughout UCLA, but little did I know how much harder things would get as life progresses ("It's the terror of knowing what the world is about"). Note to self: stay positive and don't let them see you sweat.

So in between all my school work, preparing for my interviews take up the rest of my life. . . I really hope and pray that this one is it. . . and after landing this job, it'll be smooth sailing into the horizon. At least in terms of finding a post grad job.

Yes! Made it to the next round of interviews! So close, yet so far!

My interview yesterday went so much better than I anticipated! This position was also so much better than I expected! It's a permanent position which would allow me to be a part time intern and, once I pass the bar, I can transition into becoming a full time INTERNATIONAL TAX ASSOCIATE! The best part is the firm is trying to grow its International Tax department and if I get the job, there would be so much room for growth! Better yet- I would be able to take on my own projects early on! I realized that if I worked at the Big 4, I would be merely another number in the system, at my own little corner, doing compliance work; however, this firm (being #5) will give me the hands on experience and responsibility I've been wanting. I left the interview with a really good feeling that both lawyers really liked me. . . but nothing is set in stone yet. . .

Just think. . . wouldn't it be awesome to know that I've secured a job already when graduation isn't for another 8-9 months? Fingers crossed.

interview #3

In a couple hours I'm off to my interview for an international tax position that I want oh-so-desperately! So bad that I reread all my essays that I wrote for my international tax classes and tried to catch up as much as I possibly can in the intricate world of FBARs, FATCAs, and of course transfer pricing. The fact that I get excited reading about arm's length parental guarantees to their subsidiaries and the intentional ambiguity of transfer pricing regulations not set forth by the IRS means it's definitely my calling. Although this is an internship position, it's the foot in the door that can land me that post grad job! But of course, I also need to look at this interviewing process as a two way street. It may not be all that I hype it up to be because, after all, I have yet to meet an interesting and glamorous tax lawyer. . .

Higher Standards (interview #2)

I just had an interview earlier this morning for a government tax externship position for the Spring semester.

Conclusion: I will not settle for working in the public sector. I lied to myself when I said this was the path I wanted to take because working with the IRS last year was "so great." Truth be told, the people are boring and look boring and there's no life in their depressing office. My first job out of law school should be at a place where I can be challenged, all the while feel ALIVE. I don't know if my interview was so awkward because the person interviewing me didn't ask questions but stared at me to make conversation or if it was me trying to convince him that researching tax penalties and procedures was so exciting. . . No way.

Nonetheless, my next interview is on Friday for a prestigious accounting firm for a paid intern position in the Fall! The great thing about this internship is (1) it's international tax, (2) it's a great firm, (3) it's paid and flexible around my school schedule and most importantly (4) it may land me a job post grad (not to mention they have an office in Irvine as well). So I will prepare strategically for that.

I need to set a higher bar for myself and not settle for less because of this depressing economy. I have to admit that I am better situated than a lot of other law students because of my Tax LLM and my tax credentials that I worked so hard to build up- all within the last 2 years (and still going). I can land a position at a Big 4 accounting firm (if not a next tier firm) as a Tax Associate- and I am out to do just that . . .

So far, balancing the beginning of the school year with an active job search has been a bit tiring, but the interviews coming in are making me feel confident. I just need to prove to them that I'm not just qualified on paper, but in person too.

Farewell Summer!

The interview with the firm went pretty well! I thought I was the best I could be. I haven't received a rejection nor a callback from them yet- so that's still pending. I'm not entirely sure I want this position anyways- labor lawyers don't seem as respected and interesting as tax lawyers, based on what the partner told me- nonetheless, an offer would be nice ;)

Then I went on the best 4 day vacation with my family ever! I love Cancun and Me Hotel! It was the perfect recuperation mechanism to get me pumped for my last year. I went out of hibernation and got a nice new tan and a new zest for life.

I'm back in school this week and I realized after 2 years of law school, I've finally broken out of my nervous shell of speaking in front of a large group. After all, my goal for law school is to leave behind the self-conscious valley girl who comes off as the redheaded stepchild that doesn't belong (literally, redheaded) and become the confident redheaded lawyer whose not afraid to speak her mind.

Finally, the breaking news! I just checked my LL.M grades for the summer and guess who got the highest grade in the class?! I did! First Honors! Woohoo! I never even imagined or expected this would happen! I was too scared of just trying to get a decent grade I never expected I would get the highest grade! Pinot and I are celebrating tonight!

In conclusion, unlike a couple months ago in which Summer greeted me with all this bad news and a draining schedule, the end of summer has bid me farewell with the greatest gift I can possibly ask for: a vacation in paradise with my loved ones and top recognition for my hardwork.

So far, so good. I'm ready for my next challenge.

cliff of courage in cancun

Wow.

I never thought this day would come. I am finally finished with tax boot camp. 10 weeks of pure unadulterated torture. The first 2 hours of Partnership tax kicked my ass like a merciless bully beating me when I'm already down (note: 4 hours of sleep, minus 1 due to the bf's dreadful snoring, and on the brink of collapsing but barely saved by the 5 hour energy drink that pulled me through 5 hours of studying this morning followed by another 5 hours of testing). However, the last 2 hours of Corporate tax was like a kind friend making it easy on my bruised corpse to still have hope to walk out of the exam alive and content. Sounds like a bunch of nonsense because I haven't a grain of intelligence left in me at this point.

I have one interview to tackle tomorrow and then my vacation finally starts. . . I'm not going to beat myself up on this one though. There were interviews on campus today and upon seeing the back to back interviews these employers sit through, I think my chances of really landing this job is asymptotically approaching zero. I'm a realist. Not gonna bring my hopes up high just to see it fall hard. Besides, I'm probably going to have to go through tons of interviews to land the final job. Labor law is nice, but tax law is where I belong.

Anyways, each year I get about 1-2 weeks off. I'd say that's enough to recuperate and jump into the next battlefield. . . Learning to live with the stress.

After tomorrow, I finally have the time to dye my hair, do my nails, and shave my legs. I have to admit, it really is hard to be a smart scholar and a sassy socialite at the same time. I'll work on the latter in a year.

Ideally.

choices

interviewing for a law firm is not the equivalent of interviewing for a job at vogue

Just did my mock interview and oh god did I need it. On one side of the table was a poised, charismatic, and eloquent Asian woman. On the other side was a scared, clueless, and I-speak-like-a-teenager Asian girl. Yes, guess which one I was. Although I soaked in all her constructive criticism, and was very glad I did a practice interview before I approached the real thing, my interview confidence feels a little trodden on...okay, a lot trodden on. This transition into the corporate world is going to be difficult. What do they say? Fake it till ya make it. I need to practice professionalism and get that teenage twang out of me= speak like a pretentious British woman, not a fake California girl.

Wouldn't it be ironic if years from now I become exactly this woman I sat across from? She came from the same school I did and years later is a partner of her law firm. She's probably in her early 50s but wow does she look like the stress never aged her.

Inspired.

new title: "ballofstress 'n blahness"

I finally finished 1 of 2 exams yesterday. I pushed myself through the 4 hours+ of frantic, nonstop typing and made it through an hour of LA traffic, but when I finally reached the elevator of my apt. . . it all fell apart. I started to feel nauseous and I spent the rest of the night in bed with a headache. At first I was mad that I couldn't physically get out of bed to prepare for my mock interview later this evening, then I felt upset that I wouldn't have time to get all the studying done for my next exam, then I felt frustrated that I've been spending my life booking my calendar with goals and events that can make a normal person go crazy. When I finally stop worrying about one exam, I start to worry about being prepared for a mock interview (yes, a "mock" interview- it's not even the real thing), then on top of that, I start worrying about my exam next Monday, and to top it off, I freak out about how I won't be prepared for the interview of a lifetime on Tuesday. . . all this just added to the pounding sensation in my head. All I could do was lie in bed and cry until the pain went away and the voice inside my head would shut up. Quitting was never an option. . .why? because I reach the point where I want to raise the white flag always when victory is near. Never at the beginning and never at the midpoint, but always towards the end.

Nonetheless, I have a schedule full of things to do for the next 2 weeks, tons of studying and preparing to do today and I just needed to vent and calm myself down.

I keep thinking opportunity cost. What am I foregoing when I spend my days focused on landing a stable profession for the rest of my life? It's like selling my soul to the devil for 3 years to get to heaven. . . and I'm not even sure it's gonna be heaven outside these colorful Loyola walls. . . I just hope I won't regret all this and wonder what I did with my early twenties. . .

Childhood Memories

I remember in 6th grade I found this "After Awhile" poem in one of my self-help books and I was so inspired by it that I made a poster, decorated with childish drawings of flowers and doodles and stuck it up on my ceiling, right above my bed.

With every fight my parents had and with every growing pains I felt through my awkward years. . .

"And you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead,

With the grace of a woman,

Not the grief of a child"

With all the failed plans and goals I made for myself to be the woman I wanted to become. . .

"And you learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and

futures have a way of falling down in mid flight

. . . I was able to wake up every morning with the warmth of this mantra and put aside all my yesterdays and start anew.

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers”

I guess my years of independence all stemmed from that little poster.

"And you learn that you really can endure,

that you are really strong,

and you really do have worth"

I have to say that although I do wish he was here to tell me how paternal-ly proud he is of how far I've come from that timid little girl with big dreams and no mentor. . .

"And you learn and you learn

With every goodbye you learn"

we've tried.

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart.

It means we have tried for something.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

Big Fish

I am excited to say that I got an interview with one of the most prestigious law firms in the field of labor law through OCI!

I was so excited with the opportunity of just interviewing for the job, that I got carried away- imagining that the recruiting partner and I would engage in such a lovely conversation about TARP and excessive executive compensation (as it relates back to my research assistant position) that he would tell me how intelligent and charismatic I was and how he would love to have me as part of their firm, then I would receive an offer shortly after with a fat compensation package, then I would break the great news to all my friends and family, and we would pop champagne bottles like they do in the movies and . . . yes, a girl can only dream. . .

I mean, it's just an interview right? And how many smart people am I competing with? It's not just the girl that sits next to me in tax class that's also in law review and was a judicial extern, but I'm competing with every other Ivy Leaguer out there, who is by far a lot more qualified in every aspect of their lives than little O.C. me. . . so that thought splat the ethereal daydream bubble forming over my head.

So here I am. I need to pull my thoughts away from the future and bring it back to the realities of stock dividends and corporate liquidations. Although this interview is for the ideal job because of the GREAT pay and the fact that it's located in Irvine- I need to remember how many applications and interviews an entry level student has to apply to and interview for before she's lucky enough to land THE job.

I am naive at times and, like I mentioned before, every event has always been the be all and end all for me.

Passion when it matters and nonchalance when it doesn't...

So I need to focus my energy on finals, which is for the next 2 weeks. My interview is in 3 weeks.

I may be a little Loyola Goldfish in an ocean of Rainbow Fishes and Ivy League Sharks, but that's not going to stop me now is it?