After the Storm...there's an Island

After I posted the "M is for Me" post, I begged the BF for a short vacation before I start my 3L year. He eventually agreed and ironically he suggested this resort called ME hotel (what a coincidence!)

I have been working and going to school nonstop that I really feel like a well-deserved vacation has to be somewhere close within the horizon. Of course he complained that my yearly vacation was making me spoiled. . . thinking about it, it's possibly true (Yr 1: Catalina Islands; Yr 2: Costa Rica; Yr 3: Bahamas; Yr 4: Vietnam; Yr 5: Virgin Islands. . .) We're on our 6th year... so Cancun awaits...

I have to admit that although I take on an overwhelming load during the year, a little vacation come summer always revives my batteries and I can keep going at it for another year with the same load (if not heavier), but the cycle goes on and the work gets harder. Nonetheless, I feel like I do become more malleable and it's harder to reach that breaking point when I know that ball of stress that grows bigger and bigger towards the end of the year will eventually avalanche into a nice, sunny island somewhere far from California.

Destination: ME Cancun Hotel.

Countdown: 6 weeks, 4 days...

Love,

Nat

M is for Me.

Fingers crossed that the bf will agree to a short vacay in August (post LLM program and pre 3L) . . . somewhere sandy and sunny. . .

Mimosas in the morning,

Mojitos in the afternoon,

Merlot at night

Listening to Marley all day long . . .

(Buffalo soldier...)

Nice tan, sun-bleached hair, getting high . . . (on life, of course)

Love,

Daydreamer

elle woods

"Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and…serious.

And you, Button, are none of those things."

– Elle's father

Brooke Shields

"And success, I believe, comes in a myriad of packages and with various types of wrapping. Please continue to aim high and strive for your best, but learn to embrace, and revel in, your unique successes. Compare not to others. This will be difficult but valuable, I promise." -Brook Shields at Princeton's 2011 Commencement

"[Education is] the thing that can't be taken away from you. We're in an industry where [things] gets taken from you all the time . . . because you're never good enough; no matter where you are or who you, there's somebody better, younger, or whatever. Education helped me have my own sense of self." -Brooke on The View

Educated and beautiful women inspire me and answer the "why?" for me each day. . .

Sick.

Went shopping with my mom yesterday and saw this gorgeous orange pleated Halston dress on sale for $299! I wanted so badly to buy it and am still thinking about it today... but- as usual... must talk myself out of buying something I won't have any opportunity to wear... Life's a bore. Maybe one day I can be like Bradshaw and prance around town in gowns like it's no big deal

...one day...

Anyways, celebrated BF's birthday with his friends and family yesterday and feeling extremely sick today... trying to study, but this runny nose, dry cough, and headache is getting the best of me...

Forever Young

‎"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. . .

We grow old by deserting our ideals...

Years may wrinkle the skin,

but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul."

“You spend 90% of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10% trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” ~Robert Brault

Life Lesson? I need to stop complaining that I need a break- I can rest when I'm dead. My twenties are the years in which I need to work the hardest to build a platform for the rest of my life and the years in which I need to play the hardest to soak in the remainder of my youth!

. . . Although I'm not sure how accomplishing both things is physically possible with my schedule. . . But seriously, ever since I started Law School all I've been doing is complaining, complaining. Boyfriend's right, nobody likes a Negative Nancy.

Speaking of aging, I forgot about my old Xanga. . . and reading it again after 3 years is kind of refreshing...

http://lecocouturecafe.xanga.com/ Very amateur, but I love it indeed.

Who I Was.

I'm starting to have random mental Polaroids of things I've done in the past- of the small gestures I've made or the stupid things I've said. I find myself experiencing feelings of embarrassment, and the awkward discomfort of "why did I do that?" Although they were all minor and no big deal, I reflected on why I was thinking about all this stuff suddenly and why I didn't realize at the time time how unlike me to say or do those thing. I'm speaking in the abstract because it's not the substance of what came to me that actually really matters, but just the whole concept of what was going on.

I've come to realize how being stubborn all these years, of always justifying my actions and words, are signs of me being childish. I guess growing up is knowing when and why to change for the better. For example, I've come to realize that when I try so hard to be the girl that stands out, be it superficially, or intellectually, I set myself up for self-castigation. I'll always question why I'm not prettier than her or why I'm not smarter than him. Or worst, I'll find reasons to put someone down just so I can make myself feel like I'm better. Being a girl in this society, where everyone seems like they're competing to look younger or more enhanced, and being the first to be in the know of the latest trends, I found myself stuck in that mentality, and the more I keep thinking how am I going to catch up, I dig a deeper hole a lot of young girls are stuck in. I admit that turning 25 made me feel "old" and it cascaded into fears of getting wrinkles and cellulite, and knowing how there's always going to be someone younger and smarter and cuter. . . If my boyfriend was reading this he would blame this sudden high level of estrogen on my "monthly visitor." whatever.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I should start rolling all this competitive and jealous energy into a ball and throw it out the window every time I find myself rationalizing why I'm right and the other person is wrong, or what kind of flaws I can find in the next perfect girl that makes me feel like an insecure blob, or something stupid like that. I guess it's a flaw we all have but few can admit to...

Growing up, I have always immersed myself in cheesy self-help books and inspirational quotes that I guess somewhere along the way I felt those values were embodied in me and that I was this Mother Teresa, but in reality my personality and values actually became lackluster. It was like preaching the things I believed, but didn't have squat to show for. I was too busy trying to put the pieces of my relationships I had with family, friends, school, and my career into place that I had all form and no substance (yes, and in the tax world, we all know how important substance is. . .). So coming to this realization now, I'm going to try to be more aware so that I can one day embody the values that can make me strong, resilient and empathetic to the human condition and to myself.

Okay, my break is over- back to the hell I call Partnership Tax.

Love,

Nat

3 weeks down. 8 more to go.

Complaining about Corporate Tax was so juvenile, in hindsight, compared to the hells of Partnership Tax.

I still need a vacation, despite the gloomy 60 degree summer.

Love. As We See It and As We Want to See It.

Recap. Anthony Weiner. John Edwards. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Tiger Woods. The list goes on. Instead of expressing all this disgust and hate towards these douche bags, I'm going to try to take this in a different direction.

I've been listening to CNN on my commute to class every morning, and each morning I hear about all these political sex scandals thats been going on. First, Edwards is having an affair while his wife is going through chemo and then after she dies he's indicted for using campaign funds to support his mistress. Then, Arnold has a love child. Then, Weiner is showing his wiener all over the web to strange women. The other day a sex psychologist came on the air to try to "understand" why these high powered men do what they do. She says it's the high levels of testosterone that sexualizes these men and brings out the risk taker in them and then there's their natural ability as politicians to rationalize everything they do. I was thinking, ok . . . I guess that makes sense.

Today I read on the Daily Beast an article about rethinking monogamy. During my extra long commute today, I zoned out and kept thinking about that article. The author claims that mammals are naturally non-monogamous. People cheat and can't stay with one person for a long time or they feel tempted to be with a different person while they're with one person because it's in our blood, as mammals. She argues that the institution of marriage and exclusivity for life is something that human beings unsuccessfully try to strive for and force upon ourselves. As a result, we go against our natural state and when we fall back on it by cheating, we are merely acting "naturally." She argues not to end the institution of marriage, but to rethink it. She gives stats on swingers and polyamorous relationships and all that stuff. So how did I absorb all this?

Okay, well it all dawned on me of what I've experienced these past 25 years. First, my boyfriend of almost 7 years has (emotionally) cheated on me five years ago. Although he says he's a rehabilitated man and I forgave him, it still lingers in our arguments. Second, my parents are divorced. Why? My dad never told us (obviously), but my theory has always been he wanted freedom from the constraints of family. He wanted to be free so that he can give into his carnal urges without being judged. Lets just leave it at that. Third, I'm surrounded by news of celebrity sex affairs. Fourth, divorce is at the highest rate it has ever been. Fifth, the town where I grew up has become filled with "coffee shops" with young girls who strut around in literally nothing, serving coffee to old, married men who gawk at them, and of course the inevitable result of infidelity.

We learn and form our judgments based on our surroundings and what our parents teach us. My dad (through his actions) taught me that men are dirty, immoral cowards. My mom has told me many times that love is not forever and that a guy can be in love with you on hands and knees one day and the next year, month, or week, he can fall right out of love with you and devote his feelings to the next girl he meets. So now if you ask me what I make of all this- I would have told you, perhaps earlier this morning when I was stuck on the 110 freeway, that I don't believe in love and marriage anymore and was actually contemplating being an unmarried divorce lawyer. This was a hard thing for me to grapple with because I've always believed so strongly in building your own family and growing old with a life partner.

However, I have now snapped out of all this and am thinking more rationally (or so I'd like to believe). I think that although our "mammal instincts" directs us to the path of polygamy, the ability to selflessly respect our partner and to not give into every carnal desire is what separates us from animals. We've built an institution revolved around what's moral and immoral and what's right and what's wrong. Why turn our backs on it now just because we've become disillusioned at how many failed marriages and relationships have unfolded before us? Perhaps everyone I meet may have cheated or will cheat, but I can't make that my norm. I'm writing about all this because I have the tendency to give up on love and marriage a couple times, and I'm trying to remind myself to "be the change I want to see in the world." Yes, Gandhi believed that mankind can reach the point of sexual self control. In today's world, it seems like such a godly thing to do . . . but of course, there's hope.

I have my fingers crossed that I only get one of these babies in my lifetime...

Love,

Nat.

Rest is for the Weary. . .

I was happily reading for class until Mark calls me and tells me our final grade for ConLaw is posted. You see, I have been waiting anxiously for this grade only because I had an administrative point deducted from my cellphone going off during the exam (it's unfair and the punishment is far too harsh. . .but what can I do. . .). As Mark is telling me how relieved he was to get an A-, I log on to check my grade. . . the sight of the only B+ among rows of As for the Spring semester appears. . . my heart drops and my voice quivers as I try to sound normal talking to him. As soon as he hangs up, I burst into tears.

Here I am crying with no one to talk to. All these thoughts are running through my head. . . whether that point deduction made all the difference. . . whether I even have the energy to read for tomorrow's class. . . whether I even want to make dinner. . . whether I should just cry and drink some wine until I forget about how sad I feel. . .

Then it hit me. . . about 5 minutes later after I sobbed all over my tax book. . . am I really crying over a B+? When did I raise my standards so high that I'm literally crying over a B+?! If I weren't me I'd slap me across the face with my 20 pound federal income tax textbook! Nonetheless, I will commemorate those 5 minutes of raised standards and expecting nothing but the best from myself. I've worked so hard and acing even my hardest class is more than I can ask for (remember all those posts of feeling stupid in Corporate Tax? well I got my Elle Woods ending with an A in that class).

It's been a really rough and hard road for me. The long grueling weeks of finals, followed immediately with one week of the Law Review write-on, followed immediately with this intensive Tax LLM...

As my tax professor tells me: "Don't focus on the trees . . . for you'll lose sight of the forest."

Its been nonstop work...

“I hated every minute of training, but I said,

‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”’

- Muhammad Ali

Long Week...

Lacking the glamour in my life...

"a girl can dream"

Welcome to my summer

Fresh flowers.

Daily Bread.

Life.

Morning commute.

Summer fun...

Not in the sun...

Change

"I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I've built my life around you ..."

A couple days after Valentine's day and a couple days before I turn 25... I'm lost as to what I want out of us... How is change welcomed when I've let it out for over 6 years...

Embarrassed...

What is embarrassment, but an opportunity to reassess myself and improve!

I will laugh at this 5 years from now...

Redemption

I've been meaning to document a snippet of my existence on Monday, but didn't have the time to. It is a day too late to feel the instant sense of excitement, but nonetheless never too early to embrace the irony of that day. Well, as you can tell, I have been feeling like the dumbest person in my Corporate Tax class and have been trying so hard to just be on par with the rest of the crowd or at least feel as though I deserve to be in the same room as them. Well, what do you know. The day we study Redemption (of corporate stocks) was the day I felt REDEEMED. I didn't answer the Professor's questions correctly when he engaged in his typical Socratic methods… rather, I corrected the Professor. Yes, when the words "Sorry about that, I made a mistake… thank you" vibrated through the room, I felt a sense of entitlement and strength. I did a good job of hiding it through my fatigued façade (since I spent the night reviewing the details of that days lesson)… but I felt the fireworks inside! To top it off, for the very first time, most of the student were not able to answer his questions and I knew all of them (of course, I kept that to myself)! So point is… isn't it ironic? A little too ironic that all this fussy frustration yielded a favorable result? Maybe not, but I was feeling the Alanis Morissette...

"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face"

Maybe not a big deal, but a big deal in my books!

Love, Nat

Please Review in 2016...

It's been a rough couple weeks, but I have decided to take a pause from my schedule and discuss my goals for the future. I always believe that whatever card people end up being dealt with in life, we go further when we know where we're going and how we plan to get there. So this is technically a "new year, new you" kind of entry. I am almost a month overdue since 1/1/11, but I wanted to ingrain all this on some tangible medium before I turned the big two-five… which isn't really big at all for the wise whose lived much longer. Then again, every stepping stone is a milestone for me. I don't know how many times in my past I have written a Life Goals list and threw away and rewrote again and again, but nonetheless, I am currently where I want to be (despite my rants and grumbles). So here goes.

Age	Goal
25	JD/LLM in progress
26	Graduate, Pass the bar Work for the IRS for 3 years
27	Work--- Engaged
28	Work ---Married
29	Work---First Kid
30-35	Open Tax Boutique Firm

That's fairly realistic right? I have made the conscious decision of striving to get into the IRS 3-yr Honors Program post grad for many reasons. Mainly for (1) stability so that I can pay off my tuition (which God knows how much I owe and how much interest has accumulated) (2) balance so that I can jumpstart my career yet be able to balance my personal life the first couple years (and the IRS gives people that type of lifestyle, unlike BigLaw firms which I can just forget about having a life and ignore my maternal ticking clock); and (3) experience to later be able to branch out on my own with as much knowledge as possible. Of course I can control getting my degrees and passing the bar (and maybe forcing that boyfriend of mine to save up for a ring already and remind him that he has 2 years to come up with a fairy tale proposal), but everything else- only time, sweat and luck will tell.

So there you have it, my future looks brighter already… I can stop sitting around and wondering what I'm doing and why.

Inspired.

I know I can. I know I can.

Love,

Nat

Odd Girl Out.

Ever since I got into the joint JD/Tax LLM, I have been surrounded by older, wiser and more experienced students in my small classes. Imagine a small classroom of less than 20 people, where everyone either has worked or is working for the Big 4 accounting firms, already has their JD and or CPA, and can answer (if not challenge) the professor's questions without a blink of an eye. I, on the other hand, am still getting my JD and have no accounting background for the life of me. I mean, it was easy in Federal Income Tax 1 to get an A+ when the people around me are at my level… but here, I jumped into a pond of sharks. I study so hard for these tax classes, but no matter how much time and effort I put into it, I still feel like the dumb one in class who doesn't belong. Tax is such an intricate and technical subject (Heck, even Einstein said it was one of the most confusing things to understand) and not everyone can just wake up one day and say "Hey, I think I'm going to be a tax lawyer"…. Ummm, but that's exactly what I did. I so desperately want to just take the easy way out and be a normal lawyer with a plain vanilla JD degree… but a big part of me knows I can do it, even if it takes looking like the dumbest person in class each day. Today, as I tried to grasp the lecture and the pace of the class , I subconsciously felt like Elle as a whole bunch of Vivians are mocking me (in their heads)… But Elle proved them all wrong right? Right.

Love, Nat

Useless Post.

Oh 2011, how you have creeped up so quickly on me.

I never thought I would turn a quarter century until you finally came. As you await your attack in a month, I have no time to ponder how far I've come and where I'm going. However, because tonight I feel extra emotional (as a result of a swelling wisdom teeth, which I find ironic + that time of the month again + a not surprisingly overwhelming schedule + lack of sleep) I have decided to engage in some self therapy. Even if it means waking up extra early tomorrow to read before my Corporate Tax class.

If you haven't noticed, I barely ever have the time to blog ever since I entered The Other Side. The last time I actually wrote something was in the summer- and even, then I was buried in tons of work. Quick update since then? Progress. I was accepted into my school's Law Review (yay!) but I transferred to a better school (YAY!). I got my first A+ in (who would've thought with all that ranting) Federal Income Tax! I got accepted to my school's 3 year JD/LLM program in Taxation. I am currently gaining more experience with more tax classes, doing VITA, working for the same Tax Attorney, and externing at the IRS. Cheers to progress and opportunities!

Okay, but the reality of it all, is I am burnt out. I finally got home from a long day of class at 11pm and took a shower to refresh to "study some more." However, after I got out of the shower (my only break of the day) I just stared into space. I was exhausted. I was tempted to hide in a corner and cry my eyes out, but I didn't want to waste precious time when I could be reviewing for my early class tomorrow. Yes, I couldn't fit crying into my tight schedule. But here I am. I decided to not bawl like a baby, but to rather act with the grace and poise of a mature adult... and complain to the abysmal online world of everybody and nobody.

I count each of my blessings each night, but oh how it's so hard to step back and see just the forest! All I see are trees and willows pushing me to the ground as I try to navigate my way through it all. What did Leann Womack even mean when she said never "settle for the path of least resistance." Why? Why make life so hard? It's times like these where I wish I had Grandmother Willow to remind me: "All around you are spirits, child. They live in the earth, the water, the sky. If you listen, they will guide you ... sometimes the right path is not the easiest one." But correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Pocahontas ended up leaving her tribe and following her heart to London only to contract smallpox and die? Ok, so that was a useless stream of consciousness.

I realized my initial agenda for this entry was to find hope in it all again, but I have digressed back to my corner. I guess I will have to save the inspirational entry for another day, because I am currently still feeling dull and unspired. Perhaps this recent immersion into the tax world has made me the exact stereotypical epitome of a boring Tax Lawyer with no pizzazz! I cannot let this happen. This transformation cannot lead to a Pocahontas ending. Ok, lack of sleep and delirium has made me bonkers.

I need to find peace and hope again and find it fast.

I call this: At one with Earth and Hermes....

Tired.

I would much rather lie here than read those books . . .

Sleepless in the Summer

Today, I have no epiphanies, nothing intelligent to say, and no inspiration. Today I will complain.

An intense tax class that requires hundreds of pages of reading per week and review to be competitive in a small class of older and more experienced people than myself. A full-time research assistant position for a Dean whose a Harvard scholar who expects nothing but the best and on a subject I know absolutely nothing about- philosophical underpinnings of court rulings on executive compensation? A part time internship for a CPA-Attorney who gives me legal projects I have never dealt with and my need to prove that I can be better than the next intern. A boyfriend who thinks I invest nothing in our relationship. Dwindling friends who never see me anymore. Family who has no idea about half of what I'm going through and three dramatic sisters.

I am overwhelmed.

I always take on more than I can handle and I promise each person that I will give my 110% effort. But there are only so many hours in the day and there is so much I can achieve without burning myself out. When I spread myself so thin, I get mediocre feedback and then that brings me down and the hours I can be working on other projects I use moping and dwelling on why I performed so poorly. So I run in circles chasing my own tail and end up where I started with little progress.

It's easy to go about my life being the next average Jane and just be content with mediocrity, but I choose to be even more and drink more cups of coffee than the average Joe. I'm never content because I never accomplish my list of things because it's always so long and then I kick myself for being so idle by devoting only 15 hrs of my day and not 20 hours. My solution... Don't sleep.

Love,
Negative Natalie

A Heart Shelled Turtle

It seems like worlds away since I was last here. I finally completed my first year of law school and all I can say is... I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. For those nine months I was very robotic and serious. I had pages on pages of to-do lists and I stressed about each and every item until they were complete and replaced by yet another item. I kept checking off those little lopsided squares...but they were never-ending. My hair was getting nappier, my skin was getting paler, my friends were drifting further and my style deteriorating. It was just me and these little square boxes.

A little over a year ago, I had hit the ground running with enthusiasm towards the gates of law school. Recently, I just hit the ground like roadkill. I was exhausted. I had 10 days to recuperate before I started the process again with a summer class, a full-time research assistant and a part time internship.

Those 10 days I spent at the dullest place I know, yet it was the most gorgeous and revitalizing- the Virgin Islands. There was no hustle-bustle of the city...everything was calm...even the ocean waters stayed at peace with gravity. The days were slow and I was bored...but it was perfect. However, my mind wouldn't let me slow down and breathe. Like a war veteran, although I felt like I was home free, the nightmares of the battles kept sneaking into my dreams each night.

I realized that I couldn't live my life like this. There will be many more battles in the road ahead and if I kept letting myself breathe only when I was sipping coffee in the early mornings on the porch of a beach front hotel, I would be dead 99% of the time.

All this dawned on me when the hotel concierge gave me a coupon for a free gift at a local jewelry store. When I went to cash in on the gift- I wasn't sure how to feel...it was a sterling silver necklace of a turtle.

When I was around twelve, I had brought home a baby turtle as a pet. My now estranged father immediately told me to return it from wherever it came from. He superstitiously believed that turtles were slow and bad for business and life. From then on, I hated those slow dumb animals.

So how did I feel about this cute little necklace in my hand of a turtle whose shell was the shape of a heart and whose legs were loose enough to move around?

I was always the hare who tried to race to the finish line, who stared at the end, but never around me. I'm a lot further and closer to my goals but will I be able to finish the race at this pace? Didn't that turtle that I despised before ended up finishing the race AND I'm sure it enjoyed the view on the way there. So point taken, I didn't hesitate to wear the necklace and just like people coming in and out of my life, that anti-turtle notion left me forever too.

I know what path I'm taking and I know the road blocks ahead will be hard to maneuver, but if I kept my pace and learn not to treat trivialities as though they were grave roadblocks and to treat grave roadblocks as though they were trivialities... my heart shell will remain strong and those loose legs will grow stronger.

Love,
Nat

Miss California Controversy

After Prop 8 was passed, there has been a storm of riots and angry voices amongst many Americans who adamantly proposed an appeal to such a proposition of banning same-sex marriages. Some states are hearing the minority cries and in seeing the injustice have legalize same-sex marriages within their own jurisdiction- like Massachusetts, Connecticut, and shortly Iowa and Vermont will be on the road map to progress.

It's unbelievable to me that we can perceive such great and innovative things and come so far technologically, yet our perception of humankind and its institutions can sometimes still be so archaic in values. We think back to the days where we had to fight against racism and the war for interracial marriages, and we still cannot learn our lessons and continue to let history repeat itself until some sort of revolution blows up for people to finally see things in perspective as they should be. We ha ve been socialized to differentiate between physical sexes with this notion of gender (being male or female), and between people in different countries with the idea of nationalities. In striving to make sense of the already complicated world we inhabit by differentiating and categorizing everything, we've only made it all the more difficult to reside in. What is the difference being black, white, or yellow and being male, female or transgendered but mere variations of shapes and colors of the human body? We have only fought against racism and sexism because we have a clear concept of the taboo our society has embedded in those words. So is it thus harder for us to see the immoral offense in homophobia or anti-LGBT because society has not yet created a taboo word for it? What if we labeled it genderism and had that defined as being prejudice against the roles of how a male or female should act or be between each other? Would more and more people come to understand then? I am sure that in a few years the rest of the world will come to see how inhumane this all is.

Digressing a bit, this brings me to the Miss California controversy during the Miss USA pageant. When she was asked how she felt about the legalization of gay marriages, she responded:

"I think it's great that Americans are able to chose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage. You know what? In my country and in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there; but that's how I was raised and that's how I think, that it should be between a man and a woman. Thank you."

Politically incorrect? Yes. Socially unaccepatable? Yes. Wrong answer? No. It was obvious that this answer lost her the crown, hands down. She was booed by many for being so narrow-minded and applauded by some for being so honest with her own beliefs which may have mirrored their own. This puts things in a whole different arena, because even though we hold the idea of speaking our minds freely, a lot of people become silenced with their ideas and beliefs because of the mass majority. This is not to say that I agree with Miss California or that I felt that she deserved to win (because I don't) but this is about the controversy that has been sparked causing judgment against who she is or may be as a person because she did not go with the majority. This actually creates a paradoxical situation. We believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but we shoot them down when they voice something that goes against the main stream or our own opinions. But in this case, the opinion was a tyrannical one that encouraged the retrogradation of a particular group. So in reverse, because we believe that each individual should have their own opinions and so each state should come to their own conclusions based on a majority vote, sometimes the minority cries are the ones that deserve to be heard. Those cries are anything that may prohibit particular groups from enjoying the same freedoms everyone is entitled to; in which cases, the cries of the "No on Prop 8" was silenced by the "Yes on Prop 8."

Nat

You're Fired!

Today’s entry has nothing to do with increasing unemployment rates or our economy- this has to do with Donald Trump and yesterday’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice.

So for those of you, who did not catch what happened yesterday in the boardroom, T- Boz and Khloe Kardashian were fired…T-Boz for volunteering to be on the chopping block to back up Melissa Rivers (who was the project manager) and Khloe…because she has a DUI…*scratches head*. I must say that this time, the Trump’s reasoning was even more absurd than his hair. Usually he lets them defend themselves to the grueling end, throwing each other under the bus to preserve their spot to continue on with the game, but this time- it was purely Trump’s anecdotes and conclusions for each contestant. He reasoned that since Clint Black and Natalie Gulbis were champions and successful in their own fields of expertise- they deserve to remain on the show…as for Khloe- since she is merely a reality star who has a DUI and also by the way, is trying to win money for her charity (which involves helping those with alcohol and drug abuse), he has just lost respect for her and because of that…she’s fired.

Really?! What happened to it’s nothing personal? It’s all business? Firing Khloe had nothing to do with how she performed on her tasks or anything related at all to what Celebrity Apprentice is all about. He brought up her past, and grilled her for it by embarrassing her and letting her know how much he has a scathing hatred for drunk drivers. His contempt is understandable, but you do not bring someone onto your show knowing that they are trying to clear up their past mistakes- only to butcher their reputation by digging it back up again.

This is something we see repeatedly throughout the media. Recently, a video was leaked in which Joe Biden’s daughter, Ashley, was caught doing cocaine. The intentions of the scandal, was not to attack her personally but her father, who has been campaigning hard against illegal drugs. The media is using this in a way to find fault in his reputation as Vice President more so than as a Father figure first. The same goes for the Clinton and Lewinski scandal whose personal affairs became grounds for attack towards his Presidential platform. On a side note, the same goes for Patti Stanger- the unmarried 48 year old Millionaire Matchmaker.

I really believe that it’s important for people to see a separation of people’s private lives vs. their public lives/professions. One’s public position cannot be judged by their private actions unless it is truly a distractive factor that spills over and influences aspects of their jobs. Do not bring out a politicians daughter just to attack his competency. Do not bring out a contestant’s personal past just to attack her business abilities.

In conclusion, our botox-to-be-like-Barbie and plastic surgery society is a direct epitome of our persistent need to find fault in ourselves and others.

Nat

Another “Senseless” War

I am so frustrated and angered by all the shooting sprees that have been going on lately; the most recent being in New York and in Pittsburg and not to mention the many prior incidents in the last few months. The stories went from disgruntled high school individuals feeling outcasted by their peers to disgruntled adults, feeling outcasted by their community (upon losing their jobs) to find their last resort through acts of homicide and suicide. It breaks my heart to know that we are all living through a second Great Depression and many people do not feel that sense of solidarity to turn to their communities for help. More and more people are unemployed as more and more businesses permanently close their doors behind them…so I can see how it can be difficult for anyone to hold their chin up and see any sort of light for salvation.

New York Governor David Patterson stated that the recent shooting at the Immigration Center was the “the worst tragedy and senseless crime in the history of the city.” I’m sure the incident was irrational and “senseless,” but if this were so, how can so many sane people continue to act upon their grief, uninhibited by any sort of social mores that warns them of the consequences? Perhaps consequences only matter when one can see an overarching string of events that can follow if prevented…but if the road cuts there then what are consequences to them but a mere religious word to an atheist?

It is tough to not only be dealing with two foreign wars and a domestic war to survive in our economy, but it is also a difficult battle we fight within ourselves to have that courage to live through these times with whatever kind of hope and grace we can abstract from the pits of our stomachs. Even if we continue to walk forward and everything behind us and around us falls apart, we still have our future to move towards.

Nat

Vagabond

It’s been an interesting few days, being as free as a bird to do as I please. I feel so relaxed and unbothered by daily tasks and chores…to not be held down by any sort of responsibility or managed by anyone. Yet I feel trapped in my logical mind. I complain that work is such a bore going in and out from 8 to 5, doing the same robotic duties, but now that I have such an empty schedule I feel so unsatisfied.

I’ve learned that the adult world can be mundane in that it is all about standards and set schedules…and I believe I’ve adapted to that world and now being thrown backwards into those college days when it was all about doing as I please- I feel very much so out of my element. I feel the need now to find a routine to grow accustom to…I cannot wake up each morning and just wing it or go with the flow- it doesn’t feel productive or make any sense to me anymore. I can’t enjoy the day just being and spending time with family and friends, I’d much rather be waking up early to go to work and do what I have to do and go home and wrap up the day to start all over again the next day.

Are these indicators of me finally reaching that maturity level in our working society or am I a mere number in confirming Marx’s alienation of labor theory? Have I too become a direct epitome of The Killer’s Dancer- a marionette held down by the strings of the daily grind?

So now I am faced with the question of how I am supposed to enjoy the next few months of my life before lockdown and I just can’t seem to put my finger on it without some sort of strict to-do list. For at least now, I need to get rid of the way my mind functions and strives for order with all those charts and graphs- and perhaps just let loose like a vagabond with no map, like a hippie with no home, like a wanderer with open eyes and an open heart.

 Nat

Not all Labels are Made Equal

I am so happy to find that Disney will go back to their roots and release a traditional cartoon-princess movie by the end of this year! My sisters and I grew up falling in love with Ariel, Aurora, Belle, Snow White, Pocahontas, etc… yet when I started reaching High School, Disney became more technically advanced and teamed up with Pixar for a more 3D approach to their animated creations. It was exciting to watch Disney transform with the times, but a part of me always felt nostalgic for more 2D classics that was such a big part of my childhood.

Upon Googling to find out more about “The Princess and the Frog,” I stumbled across articles and commentary about the new release and was instantly appalled by the petty critiques being made.

Princess Tiana will be the first black princess and it was mentioned that her original name was Princess Maddy and the title of the film was to be “The Frog Princess.” There was an issue with her name being too closely related to that of a slave name and the title would be too discriminating, given she would be the first African American Disney princess. Furthermore, there was also a big issue about Prince Naveen being of a Caucasian descent as opposed to being African American as expected.

Really? How can we call ourselves a big melting pot when now we feel the need to constantly make sure each individual ingredient gets their exact equal share in the mix? When they don’t, it becomes exacerbated until someone is deemed prejudice. Critics believe they are arguing against a racist representation of African Americans, believing that because Prince Naveen is not black, Disney is insinuating that a black Prince is not worthy enough. Why don’t people see that they are progressing from a racially similar couple to a now interracial one? It’s not just Ariel and Eric, Mulan and Shang, Jasmine and Aladdin…

Another issue similar to this was Michelle Obama’s inauguration gown. I was happy to see that she was not only wearing an upcoming young designer like Jason Wu that day, but that he was young and Asian. The next day, I read on The Cut (NY mag) that the Black Artists Association was going to file a complaint to the First Lady for not representing a black designer on such a historic day. I was shocked.

How can we move forward when we make race transparent in every judgment we pass? It’s great that we’ve moved from discriminating times to more accepting times, but that boulder will remain up if we become so sensitive and nitpick at everything the media portrays. We don’t need constant reminders that we are a society that does not tolerate racial inequality, unless it’s something intentional and absolutely obvious. We all know how far we've come. Nitpicking at the small to turn it into a bigger scab will only bear unforeseen ramifications that will take us as many steps back as we take forward.

All this need for labels of racism or injustice may be necessary then, but I personally feel that it’s not today. Just like we can’t afford high-end fashion labels in this economy, we can’t afford those kinds of labels either.

Nat