Politiks 'n Blahniks: Love. As We See It and As We Want to See It.

Recap. Anthony Weiner. John Edwards. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Tiger Woods. The list goes on. Instead of expressing all this disgust and hate towards these douche bags, I'm going to try to take this in a different direction.

I've been listening to CNN on my commute to class every morning, and each morning I hear about all these political sex scandals thats been going on. First, Edwards is having an affair while his wife is going through chemo and then after she dies he's indicted for using campaign funds to support his mistress. Then, Arnold has a love child. Then, Weiner is showing his wiener all over the web to strange women. The other day a sex psychologist came on the air to try to "understand" why these high powered men do what they do. She says it's the high levels of testosterone that sexualizes these men and brings out the risk taker in them and then there's their natural ability as politicians to rationalize everything they do. I was thinking, ok . . . I guess that makes sense.

Today I read on the Daily Beast an article about rethinking monogamy. During my extra long commute today, I zoned out and kept thinking about that article. The author claims that mammals are naturally non-monogamous. People cheat and can't stay with one person for a long time or they feel tempted to be with a different person while they're with one person because it's in our blood, as mammals. She argues that the institution of marriage and exclusivity for life is something that human beings unsuccessfully try to strive for and force upon ourselves. As a result, we go against our natural state and when we fall back on it by cheating, we are merely acting "naturally." She argues not to end the institution of marriage, but to rethink it. She gives stats on swingers and polyamorous relationships and all that stuff. So how did I absorb all this?

Okay, well it all dawned on me of what I've experienced these past 25 years. First, my boyfriend of almost 7 years has (emotionally) cheated on me five years ago. Although he says he's a rehabilitated man and I forgave him, it still lingers in our arguments. Second, my parents are divorced. Why? My dad never told us (obviously), but my theory has always been he wanted freedom from the constraints of family. He wanted to be free so that he can give into his carnal urges without being judged. Lets just leave it at that. Third, I'm surrounded by news of celebrity sex affairs. Fourth, divorce is at the highest rate it has ever been. Fifth, the town where I grew up has become filled with "coffee shops" with young girls who strut around in literally nothing, serving coffee to old, married men who gawk at them, and of course the inevitable result of infidelity.

We learn and form our judgments based on our surroundings and what our parents teach us. My dad (through his actions) taught me that men are dirty, immoral cowards. My mom has told me many times that love is not forever and that a guy can be in love with you on hands and knees one day and the next year, month, or week, he can fall right out of love with you and devote his feelings to the next girl he meets. So now if you ask me what I make of all this- I would have told you, perhaps earlier this morning when I was stuck on the 110 freeway, that I don't believe in love and marriage anymore and was actually contemplating being an unmarried divorce lawyer. This was a hard thing for me to grapple with because I've always believed so strongly in building your own family and growing old with a life partner.

However, I have now snapped out of all this and am thinking more rationally (or so I'd like to believe). I think that although our "mammal instincts" directs us to the path of polygamy, the ability to selflessly respect our partner and to not give into every carnal desire is what separates us from animals. We've built an institution revolved around what's moral and immoral and what's right and what's wrong. Why turn our backs on it now just because we've become disillusioned at how many failed marriages and relationships have unfolded before us? Perhaps everyone I meet may have cheated or will cheat, but I can't make that my norm. I'm writing about all this because I have the tendency to give up on love and marriage a couple times, and I'm trying to remind myself to "be the change I want to see in the world." Yes, Gandhi believed that mankind can reach the point of sexual self control. In today's world, it seems like such a godly thing to do . . . but of course, there's hope.