Vagabond

It’s been an interesting few days, being as free as a bird to do as I please. I feel so relaxed and unbothered by daily tasks and chores…to not be held down by any sort of responsibility or managed by anyone. Yet I feel trapped in my logical mind. I complain that work is such a bore going in and out from 8 to 5, doing the same robotic duties, but now that I have such an empty schedule I feel so unsatisfied.

I’ve learned that the adult world can be mundane in that it is all about standards and set schedules…and I believe I’ve adapted to that world and now being thrown backwards into those college days when it was all about doing as I please- I feel very much so out of my element. I feel the need now to find a routine to grow accustom to…I cannot wake up each morning and just wing it or go with the flow- it doesn’t feel productive or make any sense to me anymore. I can’t enjoy the day just being and spending time with family and friends, I’d much rather be waking up early to go to work and do what I have to do and go home and wrap up the day to start all over again the next day.

Are these indicators of me finally reaching that maturity level in our working society or am I a mere number in confirming Marx’s alienation of labor theory? Have I too become a direct epitome of The Killer’s Dancer- a marionette held down by the strings of the daily grind?

So now I am faced with the question of how I am supposed to enjoy the next few months of my life before lockdown and I just can’t seem to put my finger on it without some sort of strict to-do list. For at least now, I need to get rid of the way my mind functions and strives for order with all those charts and graphs- and perhaps just let loose like a vagabond with no map, like a hippie with no home, like a wanderer with open eyes and an open heart.

 Nat