Confessions of an Average Twenty-Something

Vogue Italia July 2007

Hi my name is Natalie and I am your average twenty-something year old.  

I am still trying to figure out what it takes to push myself out of this state of mediocrity
 and into the realm of chic and creative fulfillment.  

I have a bucket list that I add on to –
But only when I know it’s feasible 
(because I don’t like to disappoint myself)

I’m interested in politics and would like to think I can be a young political correspondent like Nicole Lapin  –  
But my limited knowledge and opinions are really all borrowed from CNN and NPR.  

I like to think I’m a fashionista like MK and Ash – 
But law school stress equates to leggings and a tee that’s more hobo than hobo chic.  

I'd like to be an entrepreneur of a successful consignment business like Corri McFadden –
But I've only got a dream and literally a dollar.  

I practice yoga and would like to think I have the same passion for it like Tara Stiles  –  
But I only do it to stay in shape because I’m lazy and hate the pains of working out.  

I juice to detox – 
But then I defeat the purpose altogether by drinking coffee right after 
(with condense milk, because I’m Vietnamese).  

I love wine and feel sophisticated when I drink it – 
But I really like beer better so I sometimes drink it in a wine glass for the same effect.  

I like to imagine I’m sitting outside a quaint café by myself in red lipstick and an Hermès scarf, ordering a butter croissant and a café au lait with a French accent as I blog about my fancy life. . . 
But nope, I’m in my apartment eating ramen in my Target tights and tee, blogging about this life.   

St. Patty's Day

via Julia.blogg.se

For St. Patty's Day, my friends and I went to hear Arianna Huffington speak about transformational leadership at UCLA.  Walking back on campus was such a surreal and nostalgic experience.  I never remembered Powell Library and Royce Hall being so breathtaking!  I was too busy trying to graduate and get into the working world that I never realized how great college life was and how beautiful my surroundings were! 

Arianna's speech was cliche, but nonetheless inspirational and a nice reminder to ourselves to find the leader within us all.  I found it funny that many things she quoted I had read recently from a book or article (eg. Colette).  After a great motivational speech, we went to the great college town of Westwood to grab drinks at BrewCo (the last time I was here was 6 years ago as a sophomore!).  We ended the night at an interesting karaoke/dive bar called The Brass Monkey.  The night felt so alive! 

@ Powell Library, green beer at Westwood BrewCo, The Brass Monkey

"Youth is wasted on the Young" -George Bernard Shaw

Julia Everheart's hub "What I Wish I Had Known in My 20s" summons up some of the things I have been sporadically pondering in my blog for the last few years . . . and if I had to summon it all up 4 years later, I guess I would say the same things:   

Gemma Ward for Vogue UK July 2006
My favorite model and fashion spread!

"1. You're a hell of a lot prettier than you think you are. Time is on your side. Gravity hasn't worked you over like a rolling pin on bread dough and your metabolism still runs like a well-oiled machine. Your skin is still dewy and the parts of you that are supposed to be perky still are. Even if you have horrible self-confidence and you look in the mirror with disgust, I promise you, at some point in your life you will look back and realize you are taking for granted just how beautiful you are. Stop wasting your time being self-conscious and appreciate your youth. You can buy bigger breasts, smaller thighs, different colored hair, perfect nails, and a tan, but you can't buy youth. You can never get it back once it's gone. Appreciate it! With that said, let's move on to number two... 

2. Learn how to do something other than be pretty. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen. I mean, geez, who's not pretty in their 20's? You can check "Be Pretty" off your to do list and move on to something else. Physical beauty will only take you so far. There are a certain number of jobs and relationships which you can enter into based solely on how you look. However, very quickly you will have to contribute something beyond your appearance to be taken seriously in any job or relationship. Develop some skills. Learn how to make conversation with anyone. Learn how to speak to and listen to people in a way that makes them feel valued. If you're friendly and engaging, both men and women will be drawn to you. You will find that people are attracted to you in a way that has nothing to do with how you look. 

3. Aggressively check items off your 'Bucket List.' If you are single and unmarried in your twenties, then you have more time and money to devote to yourself than you will at any other point in your life. Even if you're so broke you can't pay attention, you still have only yourself to worry about feeding and clothing. When you get extra money, you can spend it on you. You can travel or learn to play guitar or take a job on a cattle ranch out west because it's just YOU; you're not responsible for feeding children or paying a mortgage and you don't have to haul a toddler everywhere you go. Enjoy your freedom. Do all the wild, spontaneous, adventurous things you possibly can because, let me tell you, a mortgage is a big buzz-kill and you'll have one before you know it! 

4. Stop competing with other women. I could write a book on this one. Women's solidarity is something sadly lacking in our society. We enjoy picking other women's bodies apart and finding their flaws because it makes us feel better about our own shortcomings. Why else do tabloids fly off the shelves when they have close-up's of celebrity cellulite? I call it "pernicious voyeurism." We are fascinated by women we percieve as more perfect than us and giddy when we discover they aren't so perfect after all. We really should be more supportive of each other. Quit worrying about who is prettier or thinner and learn to be happy for other women's success. When you can watch another woman lose 20 lbs, land a great job and get a hot boyfriend and you can be genuinely happy for her, then you will have accomplished something far greater than having perfect thighs. When you realize that life is not a competition and that other women's happiness and success does not exclude your own, then you are free to enjoy positive, uplifting friendships with other women. Believe me, you will go through some hard things in your twenties and good girlfriends are priceless in those times. When Mr. Not So Perfect dumps you or cheats on you, you're gonna need a shoulder to cry on. If you've been a good friend, you'll have a good friend when you need one. 

Gemma Ward for Vogue UK July 2006 

5. Don't sleep with married men. To clarify, this is not something I did in my twenties, but I saw plenty of my girlfriends get involved with married men. The number one reason you should not sleep with married men is because someday you will be married to one and you will hope and pray that he does not cheat on you. Karma is a ..., well, you know the saying. When a married man comes onto you, you may feel extremely flattered. You may assume that you are more attractive, sexier, more interesting than his wife. The truth is that when a married man flirts with you, it is not a reflection of his wife or of you, it is solely and absolutely a reflection of his lack of character. Have some respect for his wife and tell him to get lost. No married men would ever cheat if they could not find anyone to cheat with them! 

6. Do not (except in the most dire of circumstances) get a credit card. If you can't pay cash for it, you don't need it. Credit cards seem like easy money. They swipe so easily and you feel like a high roller picking up your friends' bar tabs, buying those $90 jeans that make your ass look amaaaaazing, and filling up the tank for an all-girls road trip. The problem is compound interest. Simply explained, if you don't pay the entire balance on your credit card every month, you end up paying interest on interest. So your $90 jeans turn into $300 or $400 jeans if you let the balance keep sliding from month to month. You will end up with a credit card bill far higher than the amounts you originally spent. Don't get screwed by compound interest! 

7. Get ready to retire. "Say what? I'm 23! I don't need to worry about retiring!" Yes, you absolutely do because if you start now, it will be much easier on you later. It's simple; you let compound interest work FOR you instead of against you. You do this by saving instead of spending. You should get an IRA retirement account as soon as possible because the longer the money sits in there, the more interest it earns. This time you're earning interest on interest instead of paying interest on interest. You can start saving a very small amount each month, say $25. By the time you turn 65 and you're ready to retire, that $25 will be worth hundreds of times its original amount. The key is to start early. The longer the money sits there, the more it's worth. If you wait until you're in your 30's or 40's to start saving for retirement, you will have to save much more aggressively because you've lost time. You need time to make your money grow, so start early! You won't regret it! 

8. Weigh out your career choices very carefully. Do you love doing something that doesn't pay well? Are you only looking at career choices that pay well and ignoring what you love? Think very carefully about what will bring you happiness. Are you the kind of person who can live in a small house, drive a used car and not have much left over after the bills are paid in exchange for getting to do what you love? If you are truly in love with your work, then the financial sacrifice is worth it. For many people, the money follows the passion. You will naturally be better at a job you love and you may be successful because of your passion. On the other hand, are you the type of person who puts a lot of value on material things? Do you want to live in a big house in a gated community, drive a luxury car, take exotic vacations and pursue expensive hobbies like golf or equestrian events? If you want to live this sort of life, then it's best to pursue a high-earning career even if your passion lies elsewhere. You have to weigh that out for yourself. But think carefully, because it's hard to switch careers and start over with something new once you've got kids and a giant stack of bills." 

via http://juliaeverheart.hubpages.com/hub/What-I-Wish-I-Had-Known-In-My-Twenties 

don't waste your youth growing up

via weheartit

I've noticed something about myself lately . . . I've been an age-ist.  When I read magazine interviews of young celebrities or women, I always go straight to the "comma-age-comma."  It was as if that was the determining factor of what I thought of them.  If someone is younger than me, I think "wow she is so young and pretty." *envy*  If someone is older than me, I think "eh, she's gorgeous but she's old."  *indifferent*

Today, I watched The View and some of the women refused to disclose their age.  How do they consider themselves strong, feminist women??

Our society promotes the idea that women should look forever young, skinny, and perfect . . . and they're always on the hunt for the next fresher, younger face.  When we can't catch up, we feel down on ourselves.  It's like the way Apple promotes its products- you get the iPad 2 yesterday thinking you have the newest, hottest gadget.  Then the next thing you know it an iPad 3 (or worst, 2.5) comes out and you were yesterday's news).  Perhaps that was what was going on with me.  Perhaps this explains my constant wiki of celebs or models' age-weight-height, my anti-wrinkle skin regimen, my juicing diet . .  . Actresses and models seem to be getting younger and younger as I just keep growing older.  It's like a big tease.

Then I thought about Diane von Furstenburg and how she's embracing the fact that with age comes wisdom.  She is beautiful in every way and embraces herself - wrinkles and all.  She is my idol.  It's so odd because I'm not even out of my 20s and I'm already acting as though I'm this middle-aged woman going through a crisis.  Perhaps this is merely a quarter-life symptom?

Speaking of which, I just finished watching "Under the Tuscan Sun" (by myself, of course) and I cried.  I cried because I felt her pain.  Why?  I do not know, because I'm not in my late 30s, divorced and alone.  I'm the opposite actually, but why did I feel her pain and romanticize of moving to Italy and buying a quaint 300 year old villa?  I'm telling you, my last life as a single European woman trying to find love but instead finds serenity in herself is creeping up on me. 

Why am I so scared of growing old?  Why am I letting this fear take over my youth?  Living is a beautiful thing, and so should growing old.  I've let magazines and the media distort this idea and affect the way I think, that I'm not taking in all this greatness of NOW.  If I could, I wouldn't go back to my high school years (though they were full of happy, independent moments); I wouldn't go back to my college years (though they were some of the more fun, easier years); I would definitely not go back to my post grad years (the struggling years) . . .  so here I am - at the culmination of my law school years, transitioning to the professional career woman I've been striving to be.  So taking me right to the wonderful here and now . . . 26 is a great age and I'm barely one month into it; I won't let it fly by so quickly like the past years.  It's also a reminder to myself that with every age brings something new and exciting . . . and instead of looking back, I should be looking forward - to all of the exciting years to come.                       

via garancedore.fr
It feels great to be a student/budding career woman 

Love, Nat

DVF

"When I was young, I lived like an old woman and

when I got old, I had to live like a young person" – DVF

via womenforchange.info

romance and adventure

"The truth is, I am hungry for romance and adventure in life. I always have been. I thought my life would take me to live in Italy, but I fell in love with a man who chose Kentucky instead.  So, here we are. . ."

So begins this woman's journey for more romance and adventure in her life.  She sounds a lot like me if you replace Italy with Paris and Kentucky with California.  I stumbled across her website and read every inspiring article for the last couple hours in between class.

I should be feeling inspired and prepared to relay all these wonderful tidbits I found in her article, yet suddenly I feel even more unsure about my own life.  I don't know or understand why because I should be the most grateful person, yet I feel like Elizabeth Gilbert . . . My bf once told me that he was afraid I was going to pull an "eat, pray, love" on him one day. . . Surprisingly, that is not a far stretch from the truth.  I know that what I feel is lacking in my life cannot be found in Italy, India or Bali, but it stems from a deeper sense of self.  I just don't know how to snap it out of its senses.

I wasn't going to blog tonight but suddenly I felt this wave of emptiness and a horrible sense of unfulfillment.  It's odd because I'm not going through any quarter-life crisis and I do not have to default to living my "plan B" because "plan A" fell apart.  I am currently living my plan A!  So what is it?  I don't know . . . Perhaps turning 26 in a couple of days is making me become this melodramatic person that's questioning everything . . .

Is it really a pea or something deeper than that. . .

part of Eugenio Recuenco "Fairy Tales"

. . . and for all those reasons, I have decided to "unprivate" my blog . . .

Lessons to My Younger Self

via TheBeautyDepartment.com

"From the moment we are born as women, the world conspires to make us feel insecure about absolutely everything—the way we look, dress, talk, act." -Cindy Gallop  

"I picture myself as a young woman and realize what I would say to that young woman who was so intent on being “a good girl,” doing things perfectly, making sure everything was under control and the best it could be, feeling guilty about the smallest dust-up with a friend, worried about disappointing someone . . . I would tell her that she is OK as she is . . . I would lighten her load and tell her she doesn’t have to be perfect.  I would tell her to trust herself to be in the moment and not always on guard.  I would tell her to breathe, and not to waste time in worry and guilt . . . I would tell her not to be afraid to fail because every experience counts and will come in handy somehow, somewhere.  I would tell her to trust her honest heart and good soul.  In short, I would love her.  This I tell myself now, and anyone who will listen—to love and have faith in ourselves; this is the source of our energy, our joy, and our real power—and will lead us to speak in our true voices to the world." -Joyce Kulhawik  

". . . learning to avoid judging, learning to accept.  Aha!  All this time, I was the judge, and I thought I was the person being judged.  Imagine that.  Fear serves, and for the most part it serves you well.  But fear also limits you.  Test this by remembering a moment of great challenge, when you were not at your best.  Feel those unpleasant physical sensations—maybe nausea, or a rapid heart beat, or emptiness.  These sensations are evidence that you've given in to you fears." -Joanna Barsh 

"Chill out. There are lots of things to stress about, but there are many more things that you’ll miss if that stress consumes you" -Sandy Jen  

"Travel is a colorful metaphor for life.  There is something magical about falling asleep on a plane and waking up in a new city or a new country.  Each new day brings a unique sense of exploration . . . Travel initiates the child-like joy of discovering something new, novel, and memorable.  Just experiencing another way of life takes you out of yourself.  It forces you to adapt and to gain a new perspective.  . . when things go awry, it does not spell inevitable disaster.  Nearly all the time, you live to learn another day." -Jennifer Hill    

"You may not fully realize it now, but your 20s are amazing years.  You have endless time to yourself, and the world is still your oyster.  You’re old enough to think about adulthood but young enough to still have hopes, dreams, and idealism.  My advice to you is to capture those thoughts now—while they are stll emerging and while your brain still perceives the world that way." -Julie Bornstein

via Vogueweekend.com

via http://www.thedailymuse.com/founders/lessons-to-my-younger-self/

"Bloom Where You're Planted"

In the midst of Andrea Jung's abdication from CEO of Avon and a bribery scandal dug up by the SEC, I thought this is perfect timing to commemorate her for her accomplishments and not remember her for the last "mistake" she made.  I read a brief biography about her and I oddly felt we shared some sort of reincarnative simultaneous lives.  Yes, she's more than twice my age, but her early life felt vividly parallel to mine. The difference? Her story and success has unfolded and mine is anxiously waiting to be lived.  

• She was born to Chinese immigrants //  I was born to Vietnamese immigrants.
• In high school she was involved in student body and started as class secretary before becoming President //  In high school I was involved in student body and started as class vice president before becoming President. 
• She ended up going to Princeton //  I ended up going to UCLA (not an Ivy League, but still for the sake of my analogy. . .)   
• She planned on going to law school but took a detour by working at Bloomingdale's with the hopes of gaining an edge in managerial training before law school  //  I did not plan on going to law school but took a detour by working at Bloomingdale's with the hopes of gaining an edge before breaking into the fashion marketing industry.  
• Her aspiration to be a lawyer diminished in the dust as she moved up the ranks at Neiman Marcus  //   My aspiration to apply to the Neiman Marcus Buyer's Program diminished in the dust along with the hopes of being in fashion as I went to law school . . .
• Two decades later and she is CEO of Avon and is known as the "CEO Who Wore Chanel." //  . . .  

Could it be that had the stars lined up for me that very week I was debating between going to FIDM and applying to the NM program in New York, or abandoning the fashion industry altogether and get a 9 to 5 job, I may have inevitably walked the same path she grazed?  Had I let too many disillusioned FIDM students and a practical, realistic bf talk me out of a road ready to embrace my footsteps?  That, I'll never know. Who says I can't end this anecdote with "Two decades later and I am CEO of  ___ and is known as the CEO Who Wore Chanel" . . . we will time capsule this for a future date.  2031?

"when she instituted a casual dress day at the company’s New York City headquarters . . . Jung would opt for minimalist Giorgio Armani suits instead of her usual Chanel fare"
via http://www.forbes.com/sites/leahbourne/2011/12/19/the-ceo-who-wore-chanel/ 

sources: http://www.notablebiographies.com/supp/Supplement-Fl-Ka/Jung-Andrea.html; http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/8285/%E2%80%98follow-your-compass-not-your-clock%E2%80%99 

Corporate Attire

Why, this is my Casual Friday
Marloes Horst for Jalouse 2011

"When women are in flats, and they say, ‘I’m comfortable,’
I say they need to man up and put on a pair of 4-inch heels, 

nothing gives you more respect."

"Fashion is really all about showing your personality and having fun with it. 

People that wear practical shoes, an ill-fitting blazer, 

who told you that you have to wear that?"

-Amy Smilovic of Tibi

My internship has recently ended, but did I ever mention that every day I went to work I always had on a cute outfit and 4 inch (if not 5 inch) heels?  Women in the office took business casual to a whole different level of boring.  Most of them were dressed in sloppy slacks, plain Jane tops and not-so-chic flats.  For that reason, I always felt like I stood out - in a good or bad way through the eyes of these women, I don't know.  (Although I did get an anonymous complaint to my supervisor that my casual Friday skirts might be too short. . . hmph)  What I do know, is that I felt good about myself - my ability to work with these people on an intellectual level but also my ability to embrace my youth and uniqueness on a fashionable level.  I'm eventually going to get trapped in the boring, old world of tax law, but what I do in my career should not define or dress me.  Like I had said at the debut of my blog- my goal is to merge both worlds of fashion and intelligence together.  I understand now how that's supposed to happen:  Dress like I'm the CEO of Net-a-Porter, but work like I'm the Partner of a Big 4.       

Smilovic article via http://www.forbes.com/sites/leahbourne/2011/11/29/work-style-with-tibis-amy-smilovic/

Burnout by 30

Audrey a Roma exhibit

"One reason that women are burning out early in their careers is that they have simply reached their breaking point after spending their childhoods developing well-rounded resumes. . . These women worked like crazy in school, and in college, and then they get into the workforce and they are exhausted . . .

Many also didn’t think of their lives beyond landing the initial first job . . . They need to learn life is a marathon, not a sprint . . .

They expected things to be better now that they’ve arrived and made it.  But instead they are starting over on the bottom rung and still striving.  You can’t see the end of the tunnel because they are so many twists and turns.  It’s impossible to see what life will be like in 20 years these days.  It’s hard to look just 3-4 years in the future.   They don’t know what they are striving for, which makes it really hard to move forward . . .

Millennial women are tapping into their Type-A personalities to combat this fatigue. . .  It’s important to analyze what is causing the dissatisfaction . . .  The old adage, ‘Out of the frying pan and into the kettle’ is filled with wisdom: often we leave a job because of unhappiness and in our zeal to get away, we fall right back into the same traps, the same situations.” 

Forbes Article: "Why Millennial Women are Burning Out at Work by 30"  http://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2011/11/11/why-millennial-women-are-burning-out-at-work-by-30/

I have some time to learn from these women's mistake.  I have barely set foot in Corporate America and am already starting to feel burned-out myself . . . This is a marathon, not a sprint.  There was no solution in this article and that worries me.
Love,
Nat

choices

we've tried.

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart.

It means we have tried for something.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

the load

"It's not the load that breaks you down.

It's the way you carry it."

- Lena Horne

"Go ahead, throw vanity out the window"

While idly reading my facebook stream updates earlier today I stumbled across an old friend's sister's profile status which linked to her blog (oh the degrees of separation in our social networks nowadays). She had shared with the world that she was making the conscious decision of not only donating her long locks, but that she was shaving her head to raise money and demonstrate her solidarity with kids who have cancer (via St. Baldrick's Foundation, which raises money to fund research in finding the cure for children's cancer). I was so flabbergasted (for lack of a better word) that any girly girl, especially the girls I know from Orange County, would ever do such a thing in her lifetime! It's one thing to cut off your hair but you're in an entirely different group to shave off your head for charity. The beautiful thing is it didn't take an affected person in her family or group of friends for her to do what she is doing. This is all entirely out of the goodness of her heart, for the sake of children who were not as fortunate to be dealt the same cards as us.

What are mere follicles on our heads when we've been blessed to live decades of such fulfilling lives, to experience emotions that uplifts us to those that pains us, compared to these young children who have barely graced the planet earth and are fighting just to stay on it to live to experience all the things we take for granted?

A woman who can rise above the societal influence of that vanity that pollutes our society today, and can step out of her own shoes and into the shoes of the less fortunate is the woman I aspire to become. Albeit a donation was all I had the courage to do, I am sure there are many different paths to get to that path of true selfless compassion.

DVF

"The most important relationship you have in your life. . .

is the relationship you have with yourself."

— DVF

Brooke Shields

"And success, I believe, comes in a myriad of packages and with various types of wrapping. Please continue to aim high and strive for your best, but learn to embrace, and revel in, your unique successes. Compare not to others. This will be difficult but valuable, I promise." -Brook Shields at Princeton's 2011 Commencement

"[Education is] the thing that can't be taken away from you. We're in an industry where [things] gets taken from you all the time . . . because you're never good enough; no matter where you are or who you, there's somebody better, younger, or whatever. Education helped me have my own sense of self." -Brooke on The View

Educated and beautiful women inspire me and answer the "why?" for me each day. . .

Meghan McCain

Recently I have started paying attention to Meghan McCain- someone whom I would never expect to take any slight interest to. She was on The View discussing her recent feud with Laura Ingraham in which Ingraham attacked her not on her political stances but on her weight and her appearance- summing her up as a plus size model. I loved the way she handled this- not just by saying "Kiss my fat a**" but that she stated that Ingraham was giving a bad name for women by digressing from attacks to her intelligence to her appearance. When women do this to each other, we are only putting a cap on our true potentials to be up there with the big political guys.

I read her blog today on the TheDailyBeast.com and I can say that she can possibly be one of the voices of our generation. Yes she has that stereotype of being a blonde ditzy valley girl that would probably know more fashion than anything, but this is how a lot of girls like myself can relate. Sometimes people won't take you seriously because you have that label, but I do beleive that when the label comes off there is just as much potential and room for growth to be heard and taken seriously.

I am of course a self proclaimed Democrat, so it is not to say the least that I support a Republican, but it's the way McCain has approached politics that I respect. Despite the fact that she comes from a conservative family, she was not influenced by it initially and was an Independent at one point but now calls herself a "Progressive Republican." I would say that she is a right wing Moderate if anything. There has been a lot of strong figures in the GOP like Anne Coulter or Rush Limbaugh- who I feel have only ostracized impressionable people like myself to move even further to the left- to the left. I think McCain- being only 24- sees this and feels a need to have more strong figures, who are not extreme Republicans, speak out and change these attitudes. The Democratic Party, I feel, has had more of an advantage being portrayed much more highly and excessively in our media, giving our people what we want to hear and see. Obama had suddenly became a celebrity and for teenagers it was cool to support him- whatever it was he may be supporting.

I feel that our country always needs a balance of both. When a Republican President is too busy focusing on foreign affairs for 8 years and neglects our falthering economy, we need a Democratic President who can jump in to focus on domestic affairs and the pattern goes on. It's a balancing game that has made our country so much more progressive than any other country who have either been Socialist, Communist or what not over the last decades and decades.

All in all, I am still figuring out where I stand in the midst of all this mayhem, but whatever position I fall into I would never want to get lost in a label that because I am liberal everything liberal is the solution to our problems

Nat