"there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you" -maya angelou

Three months into 2014.  I had made a self-declaration that this year marks the year of change - and slow changes have ensued . . .  

It has been 6 weeks since I have become a vegetarian (okay, closer to a pescetarian) . . .  

It took me 9 months to finally take the leap - but I did it - I enrolled in the Institute of Integrative Nutrition to become a certified holistic health coach.  What that means for my future?  I am not sure.  I just need to be inspired to lead a life with intention.  

How does a tax attorney hungry for money and success, do a 360 in less than 2 years into her job, want to drop everything to become a vagabond searching for spirituality and meaning?  Beats me. 

How did I get here anyway?  A stable corporate job, engaged to my college sweetheart, a beautiful home, a pile of student debt, a stressful life keeping up with the Jones, a lack of purpose and spirituality . . . I planned it.  That's how I got here.  I planned it all.  I never understood what people meant when they say watch out for what you wish for because you just might get it.  I sure do now.  I asked the universe for all this.  I got it and I realized I didn't want it.  Don't get me wrong - I am grateful for everything that I have and count my blessings as often as I can, but there is something tugging inside of me . . .  Perhaps it is just that same negative voice that is never content and always wants more in life or maybe, just maybe it truly is something deeper inside of me that is yearning for me to live this untold story I was meant to live.      

So who is to say I can't plan the next phase of my life - inching away from what I thought I had wanted back when I was 23?  I am sure I can create another whirlwind of change within this decade of my life.               

So where does the compass point to now?  I honestly don't know yet, but I am sure my path will unfold on my journey to becoming a holistic health coach, a vegetarian, and a true yogi (deepening my yoga practice).   

Along the way I sure do hope I can find the keys to these corporate handcuffs . . . 

Because in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.     

28
"And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?" - rumi

Love,
Nat

the conspiring universe

I am happy to share that I have finally figured out how I will turn my "passion into a profession" (see Jump Ship by Josh Shipp)!  I have been so blindsided all these years by the things that sounded glamorous and sexy and did not stop to think what I truly loved deep down.  It is rather ironic because when it came down to it - it was right under my nose . . . literally . . . all those self-help books that I kept digging my nose in since I could remember.  That was my answer.  I don't want to go into much details with it until it really "launches," but I will keep you afloat.

inspired

Let's just say I was ready to start my journey in a new path of fashion law (new blog and all) - and then I stumbled across Jump Ship and it really made me think things through.  Last night, I attended my third fashion law event and came to the realization, once and for all, that it was not for me.

Although I will have to keep these corporate handcuffs on at my current job until I can really make a living doing what I love, it will be a new journey in pursuing my true passion that I will continue share with you.  Politiks 'n Blahniks no longer makes sense for this new pursuit, but life happens when you are too busy making other plans.      

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."  -Paulo Coelho

This continues to ring true to me because the very day I plotted my new life-calling, Echkart Tolle (the one and only person I believe is really onto something about this state of humanity) "liked" my picture above on Instagram.  Eckhart!  I mean really!  If you know me, you know I died for a moment there.  I really believe the universe aligned at that very moment to have someone I idolize so much acknowledge me!  And so it begins. . .  

Love,
Nat  

on the edge

her edge was in the routines she built herself

I have been lacking something lately.  I don't know what it is.  Is it yoga and spirituality?  Is it fashion law and an exciting industry change?  Is it writing and creativity?  Whatever it is, I need it.  Yes, it has been a little over a year in my job and I am doing well.  I am growing and meeting great people.  But I need more.  I need excitement.

Complacency scares me.

I have been soul searching for the answer - to find a new mission and purpose to achieve - to create a plan and go full force with it like I did when I first started this blog.

I am exactly where I wanted to be, right?

Yet I am afraid it won't be too long before 28 year old me will confront 27 year old me and ask what happened?  Why were you so scared?  Why didn't you make a move?  Why didn't you fight hard enough for a more creative life?      

1 year and a few months later . . . I am back

It has been a long while since I have blogged.  Since my last post, I have had a whirlwind of amazing events.  I passed the bar.  I went to Europe.  I got engaged.  I started a challenging, yet rewarding, job.  I went on another vacation to Cabo with my family.  I bought a home with my fiance.  I got a promotion. . .

. . . All the while transitioning into my late 20s - and STILL trying to figure it all out.

I have come to find that, when I first started this blog at 22, I was figuring out my passion . . .
Then at 23, the voice of "reason" chimed in and forced me to pursue a stable career . . .
Then the latter part of my twenties was spent pursuing this career. . .
Then at 26, when I was finally in this "reasonable" career, the 22 year old in me has somehow emerged from hibernation and is confronting me . . . today at 27.

For the last year, I have spent my days working hard and proving myself in the corporate world, and my nights reading Coelho, Thoreau, Tolle, anyone who can give me a sense of meaning in everything I am and have been doing.

Every now and then I would have a wave of inspiration to blog and sort out my thoughts and understand my path and plan ahead for the next few years - but time always felt against me.  I was always too busy with something.  That is, until I stumbled across the ebook "What The Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast."  And to me, at least, that is to rise early and spend time sorting out my thoughts.  So I will continue this journey where I left off and continue to do things with intention.  Although I am exactly where I want to be at 27, I need to make sure I end up exactly where I want to be at 30 - balanced.

Snippets of my new home

Love, Nat

The Beginning

 Today was the first day of the Bar.  I moved into my hotel room yesterday and kept cramming as much into my head as possible.  I went to bed early, and of course - as life would have it, I couldn't sleep . . . ALL night.  Whether it was the insufficient AC, the flat pillows, or my nerves telling me the storm is coming, I tossed and turned every hour of last night until the alarm hit 6:45am . . . I woke up this morning tired but ready for battle.  And guess what?  I felt like I victoriously knocked the essay portion out of the park.  However, the unexpected threat of the Performance Test was the killer of my short lived joys.  I was sad and felt like I might have possibly failed it.  Not surprisingly, my castigating self came out to play and welcomed the many possibilities of why and how I failed the PT.  I took a candlelit bath to suppress that merciless voice.  So here I am (with my usual glass of wine).  I did absolutely no reviewing the rest of the evening and am just too tired to squeeze anything out of me.  Tomorrow is the the multiple choice section of the exam.  6 hours.  200 questions.  Fun stuff.  1/3 of the way there.  I. Can. Do. This.          

hard-won battles

Going into the last week of my studies and since my last break down, 

I have made sure to keep myself sane by staying at a steady pace and remembering to breathe.  Whether it be keeping fresh flowers on my desk, soaking in the summer sun and ocean breeze each afternoon, or doing an hour of yoga. . . I have tried to ground myself in this swarm of stress.  

I am aware that after the end of this fight, I will yet prepare to start another one, and another and another. . . I've pushed myself to the limit each and every time I've set goals for myself and fought hard until the bitter end . . . and yes, I've cried and complained, but I followed through every time.  I think if I keep creating and fighting these hard-won battles, the boundaries that encapsulate my abilities and potential as I grow older really will be limitless.       

   

   

fresh flowers 

fresh juice

fresh air

so que sera, let's go sailing . . .

via thisisglamorous.com

via thisisglamorous.com

Breathe Again

For the last 6 weeks my schedule consists of waking up at 8am and studying straight until 5pm (yes, that's 9 hours straight). I would refresh and do yoga for an hour, eat dinner with my BF and relax a bit, and then go back to studying until 12pm (yes, that's another 3-4 hours). The next morning, repeat.

I finally lost my stamina and crashed last week. I started to doubt myself and thought of the possibility that I could possibly fail the bar despite all this hard work. . . What would I do? How would I have the time to retake it? Would I have to relive this nightmare? What would people think? How would I feel about myself?

Yes, I had my first spout of tears last week while I was studying, but I didn't stop. . . I just kept fighting through the tears. . . I think it was then that I realized how important it was to take a step back and just breathe . . . and not hold my breath the whole way through like I had been doing.

I feel so blessed to have a supportive BF who has tried so hard to accommodate my every needs and put up with my emotional rollercoaster. When I keep thinking about all the wrongs and horribles in my life, he reminds me of all the rights and wonderfuls, of all the things I've accomplished but keep underestimating . . .

After a rough tearful week, he made us dinner and suggested we eat outside our balcony for once - to take in the summer ocean breeze amidst our harbor view we take for granted. . . It was absolutely lovely and reminded me how important it was to have little moments like these, to take a step back and count my blessings.

via &soweramble

To top it off, my friend Sara had surprised me with a "Care Package," full of wonderful goodies and pampering to get me through the last 3 weeks. She reminds me of why we all need a few great friends in our lives and the importance of making time for them (something I need to work on soon since I have been very self-absorbed in my studies throughout law school).

I have 3 weeks until armageddon, and I am glad that I had my lowest low now so that I can reboot and finish strong.

Love,
Nat

Love Daphne

Happy First Day of Summer

Multi-Tasking

First Half of 2012: Sowing.  Remaining half: Reaping 

Issue: False Imprisonment

via FrenchFrosting

Rule: 

(1) Defendant intentionally

(2) Causes Plaintiff

(3) To be totally confined,

(4) For an unreasonable amount of time,

(5) Within boundaries, and

(6) With no reasonable means of escape.

Application: 

Here, Barbri has intentionally caused me to be totally confined to my house for 9 weeks, an unreasonable amount of time, with no reasonable means of escape, without forfeiting the fate of my legal future. 

Conclusion:

Thus, I have a tort claim for false imprisonment.  

rant

via LeFashion

. . . I pick the former.  

Graduation and the Barbri Beast

It has been over 3 weeks since Graduation.  A long overdue Woohoo!  

May 20, 2012
Graduation with my Lovely Family
2 Bachelors of Arts + 1 JD + 1 LL.M
...and that will be where the torture ends.  

Unfortunately I hopped right onto the Barbri rat wheel along with my fellow peers and have not gotten off since.  I thought Law School was eating up my soul, but studying for the Bar is a whole different beast.  Lectures and homework from 9am to 12pm and maybe some breaks in between 5-6 days a week for the last 3 weeks is a superhuman feat that I don't know I can continue on for the next 5 weeks.  Burned out to the bottom of my wick.  Beer, wine, and chocolate have been my dearest friends lately. . . let's just hope Vodka doesn't come along and befriend me as well.         

No comment.

Great news to share about the manifestation of my consignment aspirations and crossing off guest blogging on my bucket list.  Save for another day.  

Love,

Nat 

Tickets to Europe? Booked.

via peaceloveandprettythings

Come August, my family and I will spend over two weeks in Paris, Venice, Sicily, Naples, Sardinia, Rome, Florence, Monaco, and Barcelona!  I'm super excited, yet am soaking in the last couple weeks of classes and embracing finals.  It will be all gone before I know it and my years as a professional student will all be behind me.            

rule of a lady

via weheartit

via pinterest

changing course

It seems like House of Consignment premiered at such a convenient time - when I was stuck in a financial rut about how to pursue this consignment dream.  So changing course and partaking this dream in a different direction.

Jac Jagaciak for Vogue Japan

We will put the brick and mortar idea in the back burner and choose the more obvious option of an online presence via eBay, in sync with a website.  We have agreed on the name LeLux, simple and chic.  I have decided on starting with our own closets of stuff and slowly branching out.

Currently in the midst of studying for finals - April to May . . . then studying for the bar - June to July.  I'm sure it will go by pretty quickly and I can finally jump off the slow moving law student train and hop on board the exciting fashion entrepreneur flight.    

Love,
Nat                                

Warrior Dash

5K obstacle course at Lake Elsinore!  

Although it looks like I ran the whole way, I actually really power walked most of it  

and only ran when I saw a camera come by. 

Besides, completion was my main goal and I did it!  

Good start to a real marathon . . . sometime in the future . . .

wanderlust.

EyePoetryPhotography 2012 Calendar

via enchantingencounters.tumblr.com

talent-less

via FashionGoneRogue.com

lust for novelty

I appreciate all the stability from everyone and everything that is going so right in my life . . .  

Yet there will always be that lurking voice, time and again, that yearns for more - 

via condenasttraveler.tumblr

More adventure, more novelty . . .

Those are the times I must remember to tell her :

Moments like those are mere fleeting amusements . . .
Because after all is said and done,

via weheartit

I will always have the luxury of returning to the stability of home and him.