I finally finished 1 of 2 exams yesterday. I pushed myself through the 4 hours+ of frantic, nonstop typing and made it through an hour of LA traffic, but when I finally reached the elevator of my apt. . . it all fell apart. I started to feel nauseous and I spent the rest of the night in bed with a headache. At first I was mad that I couldn't physically get out of bed to prepare for my mock interview later this evening, then I felt upset that I wouldn't have time to get all the studying done for my next exam, then I felt frustrated that I've been spending my life booking my calendar with goals and events that can make a normal person go crazy. When I finally stop worrying about one exam, I start to worry about being prepared for a mock interview (yes, a "mock" interview- it's not even the real thing), then on top of that, I start worrying about my exam next Monday, and to top it off, I freak out about how I won't be prepared for the interview of a lifetime on Tuesday. . . all this just added to the pounding sensation in my head. All I could do was lie in bed and cry until the pain went away and the voice inside my head would shut up. Quitting was never an option. . .why? because I reach the point where I want to raise the white flag always when victory is near. Never at the beginning and never at the midpoint, but always towards the end. Nonetheless, I have a schedule full of things to do for the next 2 weeks, tons of studying and preparing to do today and I just needed to vent and calm myself down.
I keep thinking opportunity cost. What am I foregoing when I spend my days focused on landing a stable profession for the rest of my life? It's like selling my soul to the devil for 3 years to get to heaven. . . and I'm not even sure it's gonna be heaven outside these colorful Loyola walls. . . I just hope I won't regret all this and wonder what I did with my early twenties. . .
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